Dating challenges of the 21st century. What to avoid at all cost when going back into the dating scene.
We understand that dating can be challenging, and many people might opt to remain in a toxic relationship rather than venture back into the world of dating apps, which can often be riddled with scams and disappointments. Unfortunately, for many, these apps are the primary option available at their fingertips, both literally and figuratively.
Imagine you do come across someone who piques your interest, and you engage in a healthy conversation, avoiding the exchange of intimate details within the first few lines of dialogue. At this point, you might decide it’s time to meet in person to reduce the risks of falling victim to catfishing or falling for a Tinder scam. To enhance safety measures, some individuals opt to initiate interactions through Zoom calls, a practice that became common during the pandemic. Some even continue to use Zoom features to identify fake pictures or profiles, which have been plaguing the online dating community.
Now, let’s discuss some common first-date faux-pas. While there are many, we’ll focus on the most significant ones. You might refer to them as deal-breakers or red flags, as they essentially serve the same purpose. Our aim is to provide you with additional insights to help you navigate the challenges of meeting someone for your first date.
- Being self centered
Certainly, you don’t want your first meeting to feel like a formal job interview, but it’s crucial to foster a two-way conversation by inquiring about the other person. Part of the courtship process involves getting to know one another. Focusing solely on your own narrative is an initial sign of self-centeredness.
If you find yourself monologuing, consider taking a brief break, sipping some water, and directing questions toward your date. This allows them to take the stage for a while, giving you a chance to gather new thoughts or topics to discuss later in the evening. Achieving a balanced and equitable exchange of communication is pivotal for ensuring a second date.
2. Revealing too much of it, too quickly
This ties into the initial dating blunder. So, if you find yourself talking about yourself without allowing the other person to chime in and end up disclosing too much personal information. I understand that excessive talking might stem from nervousness and the need to keep your mind occupied, but it’s crucial not to overshare.
While it’s vital to feel comfortable on your date, it’s crucial to recognize the appropriate timing and context for sharing highly personal information. Revealing excessive details, even if they aren’t particularly sensitive, can considerably dampen the mood. Similarly, discussing too much about your past relationship can raise more eyebrows than someone receiving a substantial dose of botox. It’s advisable to refrain from oversharing within the initial five dates or whenever intimacy becomes a central focus.
3. Lying about something big
Conversely, there’s the extreme of not just oversharing but outright fabricating a crucial aspect of your life, such as having children. Once you’re caught in a lie during your initial date, there’s usually no turning back.
Suppressing significant aspects of your past to circumvent potential rejection might provide temporary relief, but the truth usually surfaces eventually. When it does, the consequences can be even more challenging to handle than being forthright from the start. Having children should be considered an honor and a privilege, especially when many couples face difficulties conceiving.
So, why not be upfront about having kids? If someone rejects you due to that fact, it’s better to know right away than to engage in deception and concealment for an extended period. Don’t waste time and instead, move forward.
4. Avoid being selfish
Revealing this side of your personality is undoubtedly not a positive beginning. Hoarding food or wine during a special dinner will only create more distance and diminish your prospects of securing a second date. Selfishness is a quality that most people find unappealing. It’s essential to learn to share and be selfless when getting to know someone. Before diving into the dating scene, work on improving yourself.
Opting to split the bill on a first date is likely to reduce your chances of a second date. If you’re not financially prepared to treat someone, consider planning a very casual first date, like going for a walk or meeting for coffee. Don’t attempt to impress someone with an expensive meal. The last thing you want is to feel anxious when the final bill arrives.
5. Being clingy
At times, it’s the post-date behavior that can completely ruin the experience. It might be your first time hanging out, but somehow, some individuals have encountered what can only be described as “stage 5 clingers.”
Some have shared their past experiences during some of their therapy session with me and expressed how tough it was shaking the guy off after a couple of dates. She shared how quick he was to talk about moving in together, and how it can terribly affect him if she decides to date other people. He also exchange numerous about of texts with love bombing with words of affirmation. He was acting irrationally!”
Exercise caution when approaching your date to avoid slipping into the realm of desperate “Stage 5 clingers.” Whether you’re a man or a woman, coming across as overly clingy can be unattractive to the person on the receiving end of such behavior. If it escalates beyond “Stage 5,” it can lead to being perceived as a stalker, a label you surely wish to avoid. Occasionally, maintaining a bit of distance can be a sign of respect for the other person, and it often encourages them to take the initiative for the next date. Keep your composure and savor the journey.
