The 7 things most men fears in relationships/marriages! Based on clinical research.
Anyone who enters a relationship with a potential mate will always experience some kind of risk. Even though you are entering with the best mindset, you will experience challenges along the way. It gets harder when one of the two entering the relationship do not value the connection as much as you do which is why it will imminently end up in disaster. Women and men will face many fears throughout the relationship but these fears are different in nature. Nevertheless, when fear enters your mind, it will hinder your actions and behaviors and put you on a fight or fleet mindset. Here are 7 things men fear the most in relationships. Again, this is based on research, analysis, interviews with men sharing their deepest concerns when entering a new relationship. Love for someone can help alleviating problems, but love is not eternal and if proper communication isn’t present, you are left with just being roommates sharing expenses.
Either it just being 2 in the relationship or having kids, the level of fear increases as responsibility increase. The fears below are what most men shared during interviews.
1. Am I doing well financially?
Either working as an employee or being the employer, the stress level is somewhat similar. It is all about what you bring in as income to the household. Someone who makes 100 000 dollars yearly or 300 000$, the level of happiness doesn’t change much. It is more about what the amount they generate makes them feel. It’s what the value represents:
- If the company pays them a certain amount, they are valued that amount. For someone who never made more than 20 000$ per year and now makes 100 000, he will feel on cloud 9. The opposite can be for someone who used to make 1 million dollars and is now down to 300 000, his self perception will take a severe hit. The amount they bring in is the value they give themselves.
- Outside of self-perception: It is now about how others perceive you when they hear how much you get paid. Some who make very little may have huge amount of respect towards you because of your inflated income, while others may just see it as very little compared to what they make
- Sense of being a good provider: Not just to provide for himself but his family.
- Able to have hobbies: When you have more disposable income, you have the opportunity to have expensive hobbies
- Feeling of accomplishment: achieving high financial status is certainly great satisfaction
- Thinking more about a certain future: When money is not scarce, you can think about investing for college funds or other investment tools to guarantee a comfortable future
With the women liberation, we see more of them make as much as the men. We see for the same exact career, a woman will make 86.3 cents for each dollar made by the man for the exact same position and same amount of experience. We experience a small shift where women have more options when it comes to position of power in organization and more success than their male counterpart. Every men still feel they are primarily responsible.
Communicating about finances is crucial and you must be open to discuss all aspect of paying bills together. A joint effort related to responsibility towards bill payment must be addressed by both of you for easy navigation in life.
2. Have I achieve enough in life?
Men will look back in their personal achievement and ponder::
- What have I accomplished that I can be proud of?
- What am I leaving behind?
- How will anyone remember what have I contributed to our society?
- Have I achieved happiness in life?
- Will I be happier doing something else?
This self-evaluation leads to wondering if they are living life to their fullest.
How can you help with his many doubts? Put judgment aside and discuss the root cause of these doubts. What are his short- and long-term goals?
What does he desire for himself, and what does he require from you to make it a reality?
3. Job insecurities
During difficult economic times, many men find their job as a direct representation of their status, and once that job is lost, their status follows. It can create severe anxiety when during these challenging times. To overcome these fear, most will spend longer hours at work, put in some overtime to demonstrate their loyalty to the company they work for to minimize their chances of getting fired.
So if more time is put in for work, other areas of their lives will imminently suffer, including but not limited to: family, friends, and more. When the men is out of the home, many spouses will wonder if the husband is no longer interested in putting any work when it comes to family life.
How you can help him? Communicate with your spouse and share that you are aware of the difficult challenges ahead and that you will do anything and everything to support them. No matter what it takes, both of you will make it happen.
4. Am I losing attraction towards opposite gender?
We will all get older and become less attractive as time goes by. We see many billionaires investing in anti-aging formulas and to find the fountain of youth for eternal life. It is highly probably that we many not see this come to fruition anytime soon but to delay the aging process, proper exercise, nutrition, and getting enough sleep will slow down the process. Stay natural and avoid these TV or social media gimmicks telling you otherwise. Can’t beat time and the effect it has on us. When it comes to attractiveness, work on staying in shape and avoid taking any drugs, drinking alcohol or smoking. The results is staying smoking hot for the younger ladies.
5. Am I losing my physical health?
Similar to the point above, to stay attractive, you have to put in the effort and work hard on your health. A well maintained physic will give you more confidence and less time at the doctors. Even though it may feel challenging to work out at later age, it is crucial to avoid osteoporosis and other illnesses gained at later age. More time he spend working out, less time he will spend taking meds or visiting the Emergency room for illnesses.
6. Am I performing in bed?
Because more and more women tend to fake orgasm in bed, and many do a good job faking it, it is hard (no pun intended) for men to know if they are satisfying his significant other sexually. Despite the blue pill for performance enhancement capabilities in bed, we tend to see more men losing confidence doing their job in bed and give up intimacy altogether. It is important to take time to speak to him about what pleases you so you can work together for a blissful sex life.
7. Am I a good father?
Any father wants to be present in their kids life, and 50% of them do not have the opportunity to do so because most mothers keep over full custody of their children. The father is left with a few visitation days on alternate weekends. But for the rest who have the luxury to spend full time with theirkids, many of them still doubt their ability to provide for their kids in all aspect of fatherhood.
- Give them the tools to grow up as good human beings
- Share your knowledge so they can take it and mold it to their image and grow from it.
- Work life balance and be present with them during their most important times
Communicate and share with him that mothershood is as difficult, and most times, more challenging because of the amount of responsibilities lies primarily on the mother. Express your doubts as well that he is not alone.
Most importantly, everyone is entitled to fear the unknown and diminishing these fears can only express condescending tones or belittling your husband. Work together to make things happen and always participates in the conversation with expressing trust and confidence towards him. The only thing you can control is being physically and emotionally present and always learn to validate his feelings as true.
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