Dating and Relationship

Exploring the upsides and downsides of excessive romantic dependence in new or existing relationship

Examining the advantages and disadvantages of being overly emotionally attached in a romantic relationship. We’ll delve into the positives and negatives and provide insights on when it’s wise to approach situations involving clinginess in a relationship

“Being too demanding romantically” often carries a negative meaning, especially in relationships, where it can imply seeking constant reassurance and being off-putting. This behavior might involve excessive checking in, wanting constant validation, or even frequent physical closeness. However, having emotional needs and a desire for connection is healthy in relationships, as human nature thrives on companionship. Throughout history, relationships were essential for survival, and today they contribute significantly to overall well-being and emotional health. Medical research highlights the dangers of loneliness and emphasizes the positive effects of touch on blood pressure and hormones, which boost immunity. Needing people is not only normal but also beneficial, despite misconceptions. The key lies in finding a partner whose needs align with yours.

Ensuring Your Needs are Fulfilled

It’s important to have your needs met, and finding a partner who can fulfill them is ideal. Needs vary widely—some desire physical closeness, while others prefer regular check-ins or space. In the modern era, diverse gender expressions and relationship dynamics prevail, making a ‘one size fits all’ approach obsolete. Nevertheless, understanding your specific needs and their origins is crucial for having them satisfied

Understanding Yourself and Finding the Right Partner

In my role as a matchmaker serving clients in the Washington DC metro and Tampa Bay areas through Lightning Speed Matchmaker, I give special emphasis to the significance of self-awareness. This involves a keen understanding of your love languages and attachment style, which can encompass secure, avoidant, or anxious traits, sometimes a combination of all three. Having a profound grasp of these facets is crucial. If you lack insight into your needs, their roots, or any links to past wounds, effective communication and handling become difficult. Equally vital is the pursuit of a partner who is truly compatible with you.It’s crucial to be with someone who values being needed. An emotionally distant person might misinterpret attempts at connection as neediness. If you seek a deeper relationship and desire more than convenience or their terms, someone who offers connection selectively isn’t the right match.

Distinguishing Between Healthy and Unhealthy Emotional Needs

Emotional needs resemble a buffet, ranging from simple and reasonable to potentially excessive or unrealistic. Expressing needs in a considerate manner is vital. For instance, desiring to see someone once a week in the same city is reasonable, but wanting daily meetings with someone far away and busy isn’t. Effective communication matters too; instead of reacting negatively when someone doesn’t reply promptly due to work, asking for a suitable time to connect is more constructive.
Expressing needs thoughtfully versus demandingly makes a significant difference. Needy labels often stem from poor communication rather than uncontrollable needs. Matchmaker Bonnie Winston ensures her clients meet with therapists to foster emotional well-being and understand their needs. This process can unveil insights into attachment styles and unresolved emotional issues.
Past hurts can influence current relationships, but acknowledging these emotions without shame is crucial. Exploring emotional roots with a therapist can unveil trust, abandonment, or codependency issues, which might lead to unrealistic expectations.

Ensure Your Expectations are Realistic and Healthy in Relationships

It’s crucial to maintain reasonable and healthy expectations in your relationships. People have varying needs for attention, affection, and time together, so being mindful of these differences is essential. Needy behavior isn’t limited to emotional demands; it also involves how much you ask your partner to do for you, like helping with tasks or always planning dates. It’s vital to assess the balance between what you give and receive in a relationship, as healthy relationships involve mutual give and take.

Effective Communication in Relationships

After some time has passed in a relationship, it’s healthy to communicate your needs calmly and without confrontation. Instead of texting complaints like “I hate it when you never text me back right away,” consider having a phone call or an in-person conversation, saying something like, “I’m enjoying our time together, but sometimes I feel a bit anxious when I don’t hear from you all day. How do you approach texting?” This approach allows you to understand their communication preferences, such as checking their phone during specific hours or preferring phone calls. It’s important to remember that other people’s behavior often has reasons unrelated to you.

Prioritize Self-Care in Relationships

In addition to nurturing your relationship, remember to focus on your personal growth and well-being. Invest time in your own interests, hobbies, and friendships to enrich your life independently. If you’re struggling with emotional challenges like anxiety or frustration, consider seeking therapy to address any past traumas or attachment insecurities.
It’s important to be emotionally self-sufficient and not rely on one person to meet all your needs. Your happiness should come from within, and no one else can make you truly happy. While it’s easy to lose sight of your own value in the early stages of a relationship, always remember that no one is worth sacrificing your self-worth for. You shouldn’t have to beg or chase anyone for attention, affection, or time. Healthy relationships involve partners who show their commitment by consistently considering your feelings and making an effort to make you happy. If your significant other or friends fail to meet these expectations despite clear communication, it may be necessary to move on.

Dealing with clinginess

When you find yourself in a situation where the person you’re dating appears to have more intense emotional needs than you do, it’s essential to have an open and honest conversation. For example, if your partner seems to come on too strongly or asks for a lot, it’s best to calmly communicate your thoughts and concerns.
When communication is transparent without making the other person feel unvalued or ignored, there should be no need to argue over the amount of time required to satisfy the needy partner. The focus should be on the quality of time rather than the quantity. If there is reluctance to your request, it’s crucial to be firm yet affectionate and considerate.

Sharing your needs with your partner provides reassurance and reduces the chances of them demanding more than you can provide. It may lead to the realization that you’re not compatible, but this is a step closer to finding compatibility elsewhere.

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The many red flags when living in a controlled relationship. Some important steps to implement.

Control problems within relationships stem from a conscious or subconscious endeavor to fulfill personal needs, whether you perceive yourself as the one exercising control or find yourself at the receiving end of such accusations.

This entire dynamic originates from the thoughts you adopt and give validity to in each passing moment. Frequently, these thoughts emerge rapidly and are so ingrained that their presence often goes unnoticed.

Typically, an underlying fear prevails that without the satisfaction of these needs, personal well-being might be compromised. Consequently, you or your partner might inadvertently transform into the very controlling figures you wish to avoid.

Control represents an endeavor to mold the other person and the circumstances to match your desires, even though, from their perspective, they are content with their current state. It stands as a significant factor eroding trust within relationships, often leading to the decision to part ways.

Whether you’re the individual perceiving control or the one being labeled as controlling, discussions often hark back to past incidents or portray a future clouded by apprehension.

For those seeking to rekindle affection within a relationship fraught with control issues, consider adopting the following steps to rekindle your emotional connection.

Step 1: Always believe in your own personal choices:

A dominant personality can hold sway, but the power to choose remains yours. Merely because someone insists on a specific demeanor or conduct doesn’t necessitate your compliance. You retain the autonomy to decide whether you align with their perspective or not. Similarly, you can opt not to react driven by apprehension. This dynamic becomes particularly evident in the context of jealousy.

Consider the familiar scenario where a woman is viewed as “controlling” due to her partner’s wandering gaze at other women, leading to arguments between them. Similarly, there’s the instance of a “controlling” man who endeavors to dictate his partner’s attire to limit her appeal to other men.

While there’s no definitive solution for these scenarios, and we don’t advocate any particular stance, the ultimate choice and the manner in which each individual aspires to lead their life stand paramount.

Persisting with control issues amounts to squandering the precious essence of life. Despite appearances, the power to choose remains within your grasp.

Step 2:  Falling into the norms of “being controlled”

Amid societal norms, the quest to elude social control emerges. This overview explores strategies empowering autonomy.

• Pattern Recognition: First, grasp subtle control patterns within social dynamics. Identifying these influences aids wise choices.
• Critical Thinking: Employ critical thinking as a shield against undue influence. Objective analysis aligns decisions with true beliefs.
• Self-Discovery: Journey into self-discovery establishes personal values. Self-awareness guides away from external pressures.
• Setting Boundaries: Define boundaries to thwart external influence. Communication fortifies autonomy.
• Authenticity: Embrace authenticity to defy societal expectations. This resilience counters conformity’s allure.
• Community Support: Foster resolve by surrounding oneself with a supportive, like-minded community. Mutual encouragement strengthens autonomy’s journey.
• Continuous Growth: Ongoing personal growth evades control. Adapting, learning, and embracing change sustain independence.

In essence, the path to avoiding social control blends self-awareness, critical thinking, and unwavering authenticity. Individuals forge their way, breaking free from external constraints to lead life on their terms.

Step 3: Don’t let your insecurities allow your boundaries being broken

When the sensation of being controlled arises, it often corresponds to harboring self-doubt. Seeking validation externally, and not discovering it, prompts an attempt to align with presumed desires of others.

This cycle might lead to frustration or withdrawal, resembling a sentiment of, “I should comply with their wishes or conform, otherwise I’ll lose something.”

However, this approach proves futile and even cultivates detrimental relationships.

Undoubtedly, there are individuals who desire you to adjust your behavior, aiming to control your actions. Yet, rather than externalizing blame, introspection unveils a different path. It’s about examining whether you’re in conflict with reality—hoping the other person alters their demeanor in turn.

In conclusion, emancipating oneself from the clutches of control within a relationship demands a conscious commitment to self-awareness, empowerment, and authentic communication. By fostering a deep understanding of one’s own values and boundaries, engaging in open dialogues with your partner, and nurturing a resilient sense of self, you can create a relationship grounded in mutual respect, trust, and personal growth. Remember, the journey toward autonomy is a continuous process that flourishes with ongoing self-discovery and the unwavering dedication to live life on your own terms.

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Here are 4 very simple ways to connect emotionally with the man in your life. It’s all about understanding their love language and where the mind and heart meets.

In my professional experience, I have encountered numerous men who express frustration about the difficulties they face in connecting emotionally with their partners. They often describe the ongoing challenges and fluctuations they experience in their relationships. Despite my attempts to offer guidance through my book, “How to’s in understanding women,” which delves into the complexities of the female mind (Chapter 1 alone spans around 200 pages), it seems that decoding the intricate codes and nuances of women remains an enigma for men worldwide. Even as a married man myself, I find myself perplexed and bewildered by my spouse’s behavior, despite my extensive knowledge in psychology. It feels as though I am constantly scratching my head in confusion, sometimes even to the point of leaving visible marks.

On the other hand, when it comes to women understanding men in their relationships, it seems much simpler and more straightforward. I could write a book on the subject, but it would likely not exceed 20 pages, compared to the daunting 5,000-page manual about the How to’s in understanding women that all men would require to digest to fully comprehend their partners. Most of us are familiar with Gary Chapman’s concept of the five love languages, which many couples find useful in understanding and communicating with each other effectively. These love languages, including words of affirmation, physical touch, gifts, quality time, and acts of service, provide a framework for expressing and comprehending love in relationships.

To truly grasp these love languages, it is essential to practice expressing love in the language that resonates with your partner. For instance, if your partner’s love language is acts of service and yours is words of affirmation, it is crucial to offer acts of service to make them feel loved. For those who may not be familiar with these love languages, I have provided a summary below.

1. Words of Affirmation: This love language emphasizes verbal expressions of love and appreciation. People who respond to this language feel most loved when they receive compliments, kind words, and encouragement from their partners.
2. Acts of Service: For individuals with this love language, actions speak louder than words. They feel loved when their partners go out of their way to do helpful or meaningful things for them, such as completing chores, running errands, or offering assistance.
3. Receiving Gifts: Some people feel most loved when they receive tangible symbols of affection. It’s not about the material value, but rather the thoughtfulness and effort behind the gift. Small or significant gestures can make a person with this love language feel cherished.
4. Quality Time: This love language focuses on undivided attention and meaningful moments spent together. People who value quality time appreciate dedicated, uninterrupted periods where they can engage in conversation, activities, and connection with their partners.
5. Physical Touch: This love language involves the power of physical contact and touch. It goes beyond just sexual intimacy and includes non-sexual forms of touch, such as hugging, holding hands, cuddling, and gentle touches. Individuals with this love language feel most loved when they experience physical affection.

It’s important to note that everyone has a primary love language, but they may also appreciate and respond to other love languages to varying degrees. Understanding and speaking your partner’s love language can greatly enhance the emotional connection and satisfaction in a relationship.

The primary element that sustains a man’s long-term commitment in a relationship is emotional closeness.

Numerous women often worry about having to compete with younger women encountered by their partners on a daily basis. It’s understandable to feel insecure about the possibility of losing your husband to an attractive, healthy fitness fanatic lady at your local gym, if your man ever works out.

However, it’s not merely physical attractiveness that maintains a relationship or marriage over time as physical look fades for both men and women. The key lies in developing a profound and meaningful emotional bond with your partner.

Long term married wives possess something far more valuable than just fit bodies and flawless skin: they have accumulated years’ worth of cherished memories in their marriage. These memories have strengthened their capacity to foster a healthy relationship and ensure that their partners return home each night feeling emotionally fulfilled.

So let’s share some 4 simple ways to connect with your husband.

Demonstrate adoration:

Expressing physical affection is a powerful way to show your love. Touch him tenderly and lovingly, creating a soothing connection. Avoid touch that feels grabbing or possessive, as it can push men away. Equally important is your ability to receive his touch. When he touches you, relax into it and allow yourself to melt into his warmth. Even if you are upset with him, communicate your need for space rather than jerking away abruptly. Rejecting his touch can be hurtful, so be clear about your boundaries while maintaining kindness and understanding.

Genuine playfulness stems from your own happiness and positive relationship with yourself. Cultivate joy, laughter, and relaxation in your life. Be kind to yourself when you’re feeling down and take time for self-care. Find ways to love your job, hobbies, and the little pleasures in life. Indulging your senses and enhancing your sensuality can contribute to a playful energy. When you authentically radiate positivity, bring that energy into your relationship. Find opportunities to enjoy your time together, refuse to take things too seriously, and aim to make him feel warm, tender, and lighthearted. Happy moments shared together foster emotional intimacy, as laughter and joy create a loving connection between your hearts.

Create a safe space for him to open up:

Once your man starts opening up and sharing parts of himself, it’s important not to use those revelations against him during heated arguments. Rather than using his vulnerabilities as ammunition, aim to communicate your feelings in a way that shows you genuinely hear and understand him. By honoring his feelings and showing empathy, you create a strong emotional connection. Healthy men are eager to hold and validate your feelings, even during challenging times, as long as they feel safe doing so.

Avoid fighting unfairly:

It’s crucial for your partner to feel comfortable confiding in you. In a world where men often feel pressured to maintain a tough facade, they need a place where they can be vulnerable. As a woman, you have the power to create an inviting environment for him to let his guard down and be himself. By revealing your own feelings and fears, you show him that you trust him and allow him to comfort you. Accept his gestures of comfort gracefully, even if they don’t immediately feel comforting. This vulnerability and reciprocal support will encourage him to open up about his own emotions and needs.

There are no shortcuts or quick fixes to ensure a successful relationship between couples. While there may be trends like Ozempic for weight loss, there isn’t a magic solution for achieving happiness in a relationship. What truly matters is genuine communication, respect, trust, and the ability to have healthy arguments that contribute to a lasting marriage (not forgetting the importance of a fulfilling sexual connection). It’s unrealistic to expect a couple to survive without any disagreements. However, the key lies in how couples argue and, more importantly, how they resolve conflicts after the argument. It’s essential for couples to recognize that challenges in a relationship can actually bring them closer together. Unfortunately, not everyone shares this perspective, which is reflected in the divorce rate and the thriving business of family law attorneys dealing with complex cases arising from these differences. Nevertheless, marriage and divorce will always coexist as a part of our society. The question to ask yourself is: How do you choose to live your married life, in a state of peace or constant conflict?

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Strategies in keeping a strong bond during marital conflict: Avoiding discussing about important issues can be detrimental to your relationship long term.

Conflicts in marriage are inevitable. If you never argue, it may indicate underlying issues in your relationship. Failing to get along during challenging times is common, and arguments occur in both personal and professional settings. However, it is important to keep arguments fair and free from insults and condescending remarks that harm both parties. Winning every battle is not the goal; choosing resolution and compromise is essential. Some couples may not argue often but prefer peace despite disagreements. How conflicts are handled varies based on each couple’s nature and the environment they create for each other in stressful moments.

It is important to understand that not all strategies listed below will work for every couple. What works for one couple may not work for another, even if the nature of their conflicts is similar. In cases where one party is narcissistic, conflicts can escalate quickly. Some conflicts may be resolved swiftly, while others may last for months. Couples often seek help only when they are at their breaking point, instead of being proactive. It is essential to offer options to the couple, and they can choose to apply one or multiple strategies from the list. Trial and error is necessary to determine what works best.

In relationships, it is common for people to either avoid conflict or distance themselves from their partner when conflicts arise. Some may believe that avoiding conflict can contribute to a healthy relationship, but this is not always true. However, there are situations where avoiding conflict, arguments, and fights can be a form of self-care.

Just like with anything, too much of one thing can have negative consequences. Engaging in excessive conflict or completely avoiding it can both harm your relationship. It can be difficult to determine whether you are withdrawing to avoid conflict as a way to punish your partner or if you are disengaging lovingly as an act of self-care.

Effective Communication: Communication is crucial. During conflicts, actively listen, express thoughts and feelings calmly and respectfully, and avoid blame or criticism. Use “I” statements to express needs and concerns without attacking your partner.

Empathy and Understanding: Strive to understand your partner’s perspective and emotions. Show empathy by acknowledging their feelings and validating their experiences. Avoid dismissing or minimizing their concerns.

Compromise and Collaboration: Seek mutually beneficial solutions by finding common ground and being open to compromise. Approach conflict resolution as a collaborative effort instead of a win-lose situation.

Respect Boundaries: Respect each other’s personal boundaries and allow space and time for reflection during heated moments. Avoid crossing boundaries or engaging in disrespectful behavior.

Conflict Resolution Skills: Develop effective conflict resolution skills like active listening, problem-solving, and negotiation. Consider professional help, such as couples therapy or counseling, to learn and practice these skills.

Emotional Support: Provide emotional support to your partner during challenging times. Show empathy, understanding, and reassurance. Be a source of comfort and encouragement for each other.

Cultivate Intimacy: Foster emotional and physical intimacy in the relationship. Engage in activities that strengthen the emotional connection, spend quality time together, express affection, and have open and honest conversations.

Practice Self-Care: Take care of your physical, emotional, and mental well-being. Engage in self-care practices that reduce stress and promote overall health. Prioritizing self-care allows you to contribute positively to the relationship.

Remember, maintaining a strong bond and peaceful atmosphere requires continuous effort and commitment from both partners. View conflicts as opportunities for personal growth and learning, rather than sources of division. This process can change your approach to conflicts, enabling you to handle them in a mature and loving manner.

If your intention is to genuinely love yourself and your partner, it is crucial to remain open and receptive to the truth of what is happening in your relationship. On the other hand, if your intention is to protect, control, or evade, you will shut down and avoid facing the underlying pain in your unloving relationship. Whether you are experiencing conflict in a long-term marriage or a new relationship, it is important to assess yourself and ensure that you approach problems with self-care in mind, rather than simply avoiding them. This is essential because evading conflict and relationship issues may ultimately lead to the demise of your marriage.

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Knowing when its time to let go of your existing relationship. Some obvious signs that the end is soon approaching.

As a devoted marriage counselor, my purpose is to guide individuals in improving their romantic relationships and, in many cases, rescuing marriages teetering on the brink of divorce. Through my extensive experience, I have come to understand the multifaceted nature of healthy relationships. When couples seek my assistance, they often present their existing problems, seeking solutions—a natural expectation. However, I must prioritize the safety and well-being of all parties involved, and I cannot ignore instances of violence and abuse within a marriage.

If I were to attempt to salvage a marriage plagued by violence and abuse, I would be accepting the responsibility for potential dire consequences that the vulnerable spouse may face. As marriage counselors, our role is to provide options and alternatives to the challenges couples encounter, but we should not gauge our professional success solely by the number of marriages saved throughout our careers.

When couples come to me seeking guidance for their existing challenges, I refrain from asking the traditional question, “What brought you here today?” Instead, I shift the focus to the positive outcomes they hope to achieve during our session. By avoiding the former question, which opens the floodgates to all their problems, I create space for a more positive and productive conversation.

As counselors, it is our duty to help couples rediscover the initial reasons that brought them together—the joyful memories, the emotional and spiritual connections they experienced during their courtship. By allowing them to reconnect with the positive aspects of their relationship, rather than solely focusing on the overwhelming issues they currently face, we can foster peace of mind and enable effective communication between them. This approach does not imply avoiding discussions about their problems; rather, it encourages a different approach to addressing them.

It is undeniable that most people yearn for a long-term, committed partnership. However, the journey toward achieving this goal is often laden with challenges. Startling statistics reveal that around 50% of initial marriages end in divorce, while an even higher percentage of subsequent marriages—66% for second marriages and 73% for third marriages—ultimately meet the same fate. It is disheartening to witness so many relationships dissolve needlessly, especially when there is potential for restoration. The root cause of these failures often lies in the absence of a reliable guiding system and with that creates a very hostile environment for both couples and may be the sign to let go of what can be a very long lasting toxic relationship.

Here are some obvious signs to pay attention to when dealing with very difficult marriage.

1. Loss of Hope from Both Partners: Obviously, this should be the first one to write about.

When both partners have reached a point of surrendering hope, it becomes evident through the absence of any efforts to improve the relationship. The once warm connection has now grown cold and brittle. One or both individuals may be silently awaiting the opportune moment to exit, having resigned themselves to the belief that love is no longer attainable.

Determining the right time to leave is a deeply personal decision that no one else can truly dictate. As a counselor, when someone seeks my guidance, I conduct a comprehensive assessment, delving into the intricacies of their relationship. We explore the duration of their partnership, the presence of children, their previous attempts to seek help, and the aspirations each individual holds for their future. By thoroughly examining these factors, we can gain clarity and insight to navigate the best path forward.

2. Frequent Occurrence of Betrayals

When we mention betrayals, our minds typically gravitate toward instances of sexual infidelity within certain relationships. However, it’s important to recognize that betrayals can manifest in both emotional and sexual forms. When we find ourselves lacking a sense of security and unable to rely on our partner for both physical and emotional support, it might be a sign that it is time to consider exiting the relationship.

3. Redirecting Energies Outside the Relationship

As our commitment to a relationship wanes, we may gradually find ourselves investing our energies in other connections. Sharing our genuine emotions with close friends becomes more prevalent. Our focus shifts towards external sources, and we start giving to others what we have ceased to offer our partner. This redirection of attention can be a sign that the relationship is no longer receiving the necessary care and investment, prompting the need for introspection and potential reevaluation.

4. Leading Separate Lives

While the relationship may appear intact on the surface, the truth is that both you and your partner have started living separate lives. Your individual interests and pursuits have shifted elsewhere, leaving your life with your partner feeling like a mere hollow shell. This disconnect signifies a significant gap in emotional and relational connection, highlighting the need for honest introspection and potential actions to rebuild the bond or reassess the future of the relationship.

5. Transition from Love to Hostility

Frequently, couples express moments when intense emotions make them contemplate extreme thoughts toward their partner, even while acknowledging the presence of lingering love. Similarly, some individuals admit that the love they once shared has diminished, yet they still harbor a sense of concern and desire for the revival of affection. However, when love transforms into hate, it may indicate that the relationship requires serious consideration and possibly an end.

6. Seeking Distance from the Relationship

In circumstances where relationships have become consistently unhappy, individuals or their partners may actively seek ways to create distance. They may resort to working long hours or find excuses to avoid returning home. These behaviors can be indicative of underlying dissatisfaction within the relationship, and it may be necessary to address these issues in order to restore harmony and fulfillment.

7. The Dominance of Blame and Shame in the Relationship

Nurturing care and mutual respect are essential pillars of a healthy marriage. However, in troubled relationships, a destructive pattern emerges where one partner is constantly blamed, demeaned, and subjected to derogatory remarks. This toxic behavior undermines the foundation of the relationship and inhibits its potential for growth and happiness.

8. Detrimental Impact on Your Well-being

While all relationships can be sources of stress to some extent, chronic stress stemming from a relationship can have severe consequences on your health. It can lead to various ailments, ranging from breast cancer to heart problems. If the relationship you’re in is taking a toll on your physical and emotional well-being, it might be necessary to consider leaving it in order to prioritize your overall health.

9. Unfair Attribution of Blame

In any relationship, when difficulties arise, it is common for both individuals to contribute to the problem’s existence as well as its resolution. However, if one person consistently shifts all blame onto the other and holds them solely responsible for every issue that arises, it serves as a clear sign that the relationship is trapped in a detrimental pattern, hindering progress and growth.

Frequently, individuals seek my assistance when they recognize that their relationship is facing significant challenges. Often, one person contemplates leaving, while the other remains committed to preserving the partnership. Remarkably, even relationships that appear grim and devoid of hope have witnessed remarkable progress and restoration through my guidance.

It’s important to acknowledge that not all relationships can be salvaged, and some may need to conclude in order for both partners to find renewed freedom and forge ahead with their lives.

Lingering in a stagnant and unfulfilling relationship can inflict unimaginable pain, just as leaving a relationship carries its own unique set of emotional burdens. If you find yourself grappling with the decision of whether to stay or leave, I highly recommend seeking the support of a skilled marriage counselor who can offer valuable insights and facilitate a constructive exploration of your options.

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The many personality traits of a man that can attract any woman out there: Self-confidence is certainly one of them

Dating can be challenging in our times due to a number of factors. One reason is that technology and social media have made it easier to connect with people, but also created a sense of endless options and superficial interactions, making it difficult to establish genuine connections. High expectations and fear of vulnerability can also make it difficult to find a meaningful connection. Additionally, many people have busy lifestyles that make it challenging to invest time and energy in dating. Cultural differences can also create challenges in terms of communication, values, and expectations. These factors combine to make dating in today’s world more complex and challenging than it may have been in the past.

It’s important to note that everyone has different preferences when it comes to attraction and what they look for in a partner. However, there are some common personality traits that many women find attractive in men:

1. Self- Confidence: Confidence is an attractive trait in both men and women. A man who is confident in himself and his abilities can be very appealing to women.
2. Kindness: Women often appreciate men who are kind, caring, and considerate. Being compassionate and empathetic can also be very attractive traits.
3. Sense of humor: A good sense of humor can go a long way in attracting women. Being able to make her laugh and have a good time can create a strong connection.
4. Intelligence: Intelligence is an attractive trait for many women. Being able to hold a conversation, express thoughts and ideas, and demonstrate knowledge and curiosity can be very appealing.
5. Ambition: Many women are attracted to men who are ambitious and have goals and aspirations. Having a sense of purpose and drive can be very attractive.
6. Dress Stylishly:
   People have different preferences when it comes to attraction, so it’s important to choose a personal style that makes you feel confident. Not everyone is going to be attracted to the same thing, so it’s important to own your look and be comfortable in your own skin. For example, if you enjoy outdoor activities like skiing, embrace your lumberjack style and keep it up-to-date. Alternatively, if you have a bohemian style, make sure you keep your clothes clean, smell great, and stay true to your own personal taste. Ultimately, presenting yourself well means being confident in your own style and owning it.

7. Being Intentional: Taking the time to cultivate a healthy relationship can significantly shift your dating dynamics. When a woman senses that you’re not in a rush to jump into a relationship, she’s likely to respect and admire your approach, and be even more drawn to you.

However, this doesn’t mean you should adopt a “player” mentality and act uninterested or aloof. Instead, it’s about showing a willingness to invest time and effort into building something meaningful and mutually beneficial. By doing so, you demonstrate leadership qualities that many women find attractive in a man.

8. Good values: A man who lacks goals lacks direction and a man who lacks values lacks self-discipline. When a woman feels like she has to do the heavy lifting in terms of figuring out who you are, she may start to lose attraction.

It’s important to have a clear sense of self and direction before jumping into a healthy relationship. It’s not fair to expect someone else to do the work of figuring out who you are and what you want out of life. Taking the time to develop your own goals and values can make you a more attractive partner in the long run.

9. Being truthful and honest:
Displaying unapologetic honesty demonstrates confidence and dignity, which can be attractive to women. It also indicates that you have your own thoughts and opinions, rather than simply trying to impress or please her.

While it’s important to be respectful, it’s also important to challenge her in a constructive way. By doing so, you demonstrate a strong sense of pride and self-awareness. When you communicate openly and honestly, it helps to establish an emotional connection with a woman, which can be a key factor in building a successful relationship.

It’s crucial for men to focus on self-improvement for the sake of becoming the best version of themselves, rather than solely to please others or make themselves more attractive. Consistency is key when it comes to your actions and behaviors, and if you’re only putting on a show to impress someone, it won’t be sustainable in the long run. Instead, work on yourself and strive to be the best person you can be for your own sake.

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How long does it take to figure out I am dating a gold digger? I want to avoid being taken advantage of want to be more cautious.

First, for some who do not know what the definition of “Gold Diggers” is, let’s tackle that first. Now, it is not gender specific as we have seen men take advantage of wealthy women by promising them the world but to only ended up with being completely financially ruined in addition to a couple of STDs.

Let’s get to the meat and bone of the topic. So what are gold diggers? Just like its term, they are individuals who enter into relationships for the sole purpose of gaining financial benefits from whoever they date. Extensive research has been conducted on the topic of gold diggers in relationships, revealing some interesting findings.

One study found that individuals who scored high on a measure of materialism were more likely to engage in gold digging behaviors. This suggests that those who place a high value on material possessions and financial gain may be more likely to seek out partners who can provide those things.

Another study found that gold diggers tend to be more narcissistic and have lower levels of empathy. This may explain why they are willing to exploit their partners for financial gain, as they may not have the ability to empathize with their partner’s feelings or see the relationship as anything more than a means to an end.

Research has also shown that men and women can both be gold diggers, though the motivations may differ. For women, financial stability and security may be more important, while men may be motivated by the status and prestige that comes with being with a wealthy partner.

It’s important to note that not all individuals who are attracted to partners with financial stability or success are gold diggers. However, it’s important to be aware of the signs of gold digging behavior, such as a partner who is only interested in your financial status or seems to have a sense of entitlement to your money.

If you pay attention to social media, we see more and more staged videos on Tiktok about Gold diggers, which are horrible actors staging the scene, nevertheless, the core message is quite obvious. We primarily see the woman on the video being the one focusing on the material possession of the man she is meeting on a date. As said previously, the acting is HORRIBLE but at times ironic as the scene depicts the exact behaviors of gold diggers.

So what to do if you are noticing some of the atypical behaviors of a gold digger?

If you suspect that you are in a relationship with a gold digger, it is important to take steps to protect yourself and your finances. Here are some steps you can take:

1. Have an open and honest conversation with your partner: If you suspect that your partner is a gold digger, have a candid conversation about your concerns. Let them know that you are uncomfortable with their behavior and that you expect more from your relationship.
2. Set clear boundaries: Make it clear to your partner what you are and are not willing to do financially. For example, you may be comfortable paying for dinner, but not paying for your partner’s rent or bills.
3. Protect your finances: Keep your finances separate from your partner’s and avoid giving them access to your bank accounts or credit cards. Be wary of any requests for money or financial assistance.
4. Consider ending the relationship: If your partner is unwilling to change their behavior or continues to pressure you for financial support, it may be time to end the relationship. Remember that you deserve to be with someone who values you for who you are, not just for your financial status.

In any case, it is important to trust your instincts and prioritize your own well-being. Seek support from friends and family, and consider speaking with a someone who have experienced the same and may assist you in paying attention to the type of behaviors they all share in common.

Oh yes, one more thing. Run as far as possible on the opposite direction and cut all ties with that person. They are a money pit and will constantly expect you to pay for everything they want to do, including “keeping up with their Jones’s “

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The intricacies of relationship when it comes to being exclusive to each other: How many dates does it take to close that deal.

It is irrelevant to genders when it comes to feeling good enough towards each other to state that you are ready to enter an exclusive relationship. Some may be more ready than the other while the other, because of past trauma, may take a bit longer. It is certainly not because of past trauma only that someone will take their time to enter exclusivity, and other reason may be because of fear of seeing that ONE person only, or not experiencing the many options they have to date others when not being exclusive. Whatever the myriads of reasons most use, if one person is ready and the other is not, strife can enter and resentment can follow.

If you all remember the 1996 movie “Swingers” with cast Jon Favreau, Vince Vaughn and Heather Graham among the few, they all discussed about how long does it take to call the lady AFTER they snatch their phone number at the club. The same scenario was repeated in the 2005 movie “40 years old virgin” with Steve Carell, Paul Rudd, Seth Rogan and Catherine Keener to mention the very few who, as well discuss about when is the best time to call the girl back from the Ebay store. Some may say wait 3 days, and just like Seth Rogen stated: “When is the next Olympic?”. There is not a rule per say, it depends on the dynamics of the conversation. In retrospect, can we say the same for exclusivity in relationship after dating for a certain amount of times OR when intimacy kicked in?

When should this conversation be introduced? How do you know HE is interested in exclusivity or should you assume it because of a very intense sexual evening together?

So, how many dates is needed before the other person likes you and suggest exclusivity?

The decision to become exclusive is not solely based on the number of dates you go on with someone. Rather, it’s a mutual understanding that both partners have reached a certain level of emotional connection and are ready to commit to each other exclusively.

The timeline for this can vary depending on several factors, such as individual preferences, cultural background, and previous relationship experiences. Some people may feel ready to become exclusive after just a few dates, while others may need more time to build a strong emotional bond and trust.

Ultimately, the decision to become exclusive should be based on the quality of the relationship and the level of mutual interest and attraction. If both partners feel a strong connection and are willing to commit to each other, then it may be time to have a conversation about becoming exclusive.

It’s important to keep in mind that rushing into exclusivity too soon can also have its drawbacks. It’s important to take the time to get to know each other and build a foundation of trust and mutual respect before committing to exclusivity. Rushing into a commitment without really knowing the person can lead to disappointment and heartache down the road.

Ultimately, the decision to become exclusive should be made based on mutual understanding, respect, and a deep emotional connection. It’s important to communicate openly and honestly with your partner about your expectations and feelings to ensure that you’re both on the same page before taking the next step in your relationship.

So if all this is true about exclusivity, is there an average set date to feel secure enough to take the leap of faith and commit to each other exclusively?

There is no set number of dates that determine when it’s okay to enter a relationship. The timing can vary depending on the individuals involved and the pace of the relationship. It’s important to focus on building a strong emotional connection and getting to know each other before considering a committed relationship.

Here are a few things to consider when thinking about when it might be okay to enter a relationship:

1. Emotional connection: A strong emotional connection is key in any relationship. Take the time to get to know each other on a deeper level and see if you feel a strong connection.
2. Compatibility: Do you share similar values, goals, and interests? Are your lifestyles compatible? These are important factors to consider when deciding if a relationship is right for you.
3. Communication: Open and honest communication is essential in any relationship. Are you able to communicate effectively with each other and work through any issues that may arise?
4. Time together: The amount of time you spend together can also impact when it feels right to enter a relationship. It’s important to have enough time to get to know each other and build a foundation of trust and mutual respect.

Ultimately, the decision to enter a relationship should be based on mutual understanding and a deep emotional connection, rather than a specific number of dates. Take the time to get to know each other and communicate openly and honestly about your feelings and expectations to ensure that you’re both on the same page before taking the next step in your relationship.

Is there a way to feel if the other person is seeking a relationship or just casual sex?

It can be difficult to tell if someone is seeking a relationship or just casual sex, as people’s intentions can vary and may not always be clear. However, there are a few things you can look out for that may indicate someone’s intentions:

1. Communication: Pay attention to how the person communicates with you. If they only text or call late at night, or if their messages are mostly flirty or sexual in nature, this may be a sign that they are more interested in a casual relationship.
2. Actions: Look at how the person behaves around you. Do they seem interested in getting to know you as a person, or do they just seem interested in physical intimacy? Do they make plans to do things together outside of the bedroom, or do they only want to meet up for hookups?
3. Timing: If someone is moving very quickly in terms of physical intimacy and not taking the time to get to know you as a person, this may be a sign that they are not interested in a serious relationship.
4. Body language: Pay attention to the person’s body language when you are together. Do they seem relaxed and comfortable around you, or do they seem more focused on physical touch and intimacy?

An open and honest conversation with them can be the best way to determine someone’s intentions. Ask them what they are looking for in a relationship and see if your goals and desires align. If the person is not interested in a relationship, it’s important to respect their wishes and move on if that’s not what you’re looking for as well.

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Understanding the signs of a very toxic relationship with narcissistic people

Sometimes, when living with someone who is abusive or toxic, we tend to come up with reasons as to why they behave that way. At times, we can relate their toxic behavior to stress, or that we did something that aggravated or rubbed them the wrong way. We also attribute their jealous or controlling behavior to love towards us, as this is a reason as to why they don’t let you meet with friends or go out and socialize.

Most narcissist people have very similar behavioral traits that may include, but not limited to: gaslighting, isolation, lack of respect, controlling attitudes, financial dictatorship and so much more. Being in this kind of relationship may not appear troubling to you, but looking from the outside in can be very toxic.

Here are some signs that you are in a toxic relationship:

1. They are always trying to isolate you by claiming that your friends are bad influences

If someone is trying to isolate you from your friends and calling them bad influences, it could be a sign of controlling behavior or manipulation. This kind of behavior is often seen in abusive relationships, where the abuser tries to cut off the victim’s support system and make them dependent on them.

By isolating you from your friends, the person may be trying to gain control over you and limit your access to people who could provide you with different perspectives, emotional support, or advice. By calling your friends “bad influences,” they may be trying to make you doubt your friendships and make you feel like you need to rely on them instead.

It’s important to remember that healthy relationships are built on trust, respect, and mutual support. If someone is trying to isolate you from your friends or control your relationships, it may be a red flag. It’s important to speak up and seek help if you feel uncomfortable or unsafe in a relationship.

2. They start looking at your food log and control what you can eat or not eat

If someone is trying to control what you eat or not eat, it could be a sign of controlling behavior, manipulation, or an eating disorder.

Controlling behavior and manipulation can be a sign of an unhealthy relationship, where the person is trying to exert power and control over you. This behavior may be driven by their own insecurities or a desire to feel superior. They may try to control what you eat in an attempt to make you feel dependent on them or to limit your autonomy.

It’s important to remember that everyone has the right to make their own choices about food and their body. If someone is trying to control what you eat or not eat, it’s important to recognize that this behavior is not acceptable and may be harmful to your physical and mental health. It may be helpful to seek support from a trusted friend, family member, or mental health professional to help you address the situation.

3. All of your thoughts and dreams are questioned, just like when being a young teenager

If someone is trying to control your thoughts and dreams, questioning you, and treating you like a teenager, it could be a sign of controlling behavior and a lack of respect for your autonomy.

This behavior is often seen in unhealthy relationships, where one person tries to exert power and control over the other. By trying to control your thoughts and dreams, the person may be trying to limit your ability to think for yourself and make your own decisions. By treating you like a teenager, they may be trying to infantilize you and make you feel like you are not capable of making your own choices.

It’s important to remember that healthy relationships are built on trust, respect, and mutual support. If someone is trying to control your thoughts and dreams or treating you like a teenager, it’s important to speak up and set boundaries. Let the person know that you do not appreciate their behavior and that you have the right to think for yourself and make your own decisions. Be clear and assertive about your boundaries, and do not let the person guilt-trip or manipulate you into changing your mind. If the behavior continues despite your boundaries, it may be necessary to reevaluate the relationship for your own well-being.

4. They always want you to invest most of the time with them in the name of love

If someone wants to be with you all the time, is clingy, and not letting you go out with friends, it could be a sign of controlling behavior and a lack of respect for your boundaries and independence.

This behavior is often seen in unhealthy relationships, where one person tries to exert power and control over the other. By wanting to be with you all the time and not letting you go out with friends, the person may be trying to limit your social interactions and make you dependent on them for your social needs. They may also be trying to isolate you from your support system, making it harder for you to leave the relationship.

It’s important to remember that healthy relationships are built on trust, respect, and mutual support. If someone is being clingy and not letting you go out with friends, it’s important to speak up and set boundaries. Let the person know that you appreciate their interest in spending time with you but also need your space and independence. Be clear and assertive about your boundaries, and do not let the person guilt-trip or manipulate you into changing your mind.

If the behavior continues despite your boundaries, it may be necessary to reevaluate the relationship for your own well-being. Remember that you have the right to make your own choices and spend time with the people you care about.

5. Financial dictatorship: Even when you are the breadwinner

If someone tries to control your spending and acts as a financial dictator, it could be a sign of controlling behavior and a lack of respect for your autonomy.

Controlling behavior is often seen in unhealthy relationships, where one person tries to exert power and control over the other. By trying to control your spending, the person may be trying to limit your financial independence and make you dependent on them for your financial needs. They may also be trying to limit your ability to make your own choices and prioritize your own needs.

It’s important to remember that healthy relationships are built on trust, respect, and mutual support. If someone is trying to control your spending, it’s important to speak up and set boundaries. Let the person know that you appreciate their concern but also need the ability to make your own choices and prioritize your own needs. Be clear and assertive about your boundaries, and do not let the person guilt-trip or manipulate you into changing your mind.

If the behavior continues despite your boundaries, it may be necessary to reevaluate the relationship for your own well-being. Remember that you have the right to make your own financial choices and prioritize your own needs. If necessary, seek support from a trusted friend, family member, or financial professional to help you address the situation.

6. Condescending attitude towards you using gaslighting strategies

If someone has a condescending attitude towards you and gaslights you, it could be a sign of emotional abuse and manipulation.

Condescending behavior involves speaking down to someone and treating them as if they are inferior or incompetent. Gaslighting involves manipulating someone’s perception of reality and making them doubt their own thoughts, feelings, and memories.

Together, these behaviors can be a form of emotional abuse, where the person is trying to exert power and control over you. By speaking down to you and making you doubt your own thoughts and feelings, the person may be trying to undermine your self-confidence and make you more dependent on them for validation and support.

It’s important to remember that healthy relationships are built on trust, respect, and mutual support. If someone has a condescending attitude towards you and gaslights you, it’s important to recognize that this behavior is not acceptable and may be harmful to your mental health. It’s important to speak up and set boundaries. Let the person know that you do not appreciate their behavior and that it is not acceptable. Be clear and assertive about your boundaries, and do not let the person guilt-trip or manipulate you into changing your mind.

So here it is, ladies and gentlemen. the many different signs that you may or someone close you know be in a toxic and controlling relationship. Always seek support when you feel their behavior is going out of hand. Remember that you are still in control but longer you stay, and more power you award them. Detach yourself from that situation at all cost as it may cost you long term.

 Best of luck

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The many danger of dealing with a “clinger” in a romantic relationship. When a serious conversation is a must to avoid falling deeper into a rabbit hole!

Codependency in romantic relationships is a complex issue that has been extensively studied by researchers and mental health professionals. They are characterized by a dynamic where one partner excessively relies on the other for emotional support, validation, and identity. In a this type of relationship, the codependent partner neglects their own needs and puts the needs of their partner before their own, often to the point of self-sacrifice. It’s important to note that codependency can be harmful to both partners in the relationship and can lead to emotional and psychological distress. If you suspect that you or your partner may be struggling with codependency, it’s important to seek help from a mental health professional. Therapy can help both partners develop healthier communication and coping mechanisms, establish healthy boundaries, and learn to prioritize their own needs and desires. Let’s dig a bit deeper into the mental health challenge many faces when dealing with someone who is co-dependant. Yes, having someone who loves you to a point of gravitating their life around you, just like Earth graviating around the Sun is alluring, but it can get quite toxic long term. Let’s discuss the common characteristics of a codependent relationships:

1. Definition of Codependency: Codependency is a condition where one partner in a romantic relationship has an excessive emotional or psychological reliance on the other partner. This can lead to an unhealthy dynamic where the codependent partner neglects their own needs and focuses solely on the needs of the other partner.
2. Childhood Trauma: Many researchers believe that codependency may be linked to childhood trauma, such as emotional or physical abuse, neglect, or abandonment. Codependent individuals may have learned to suppress their own needs and feelings as a coping mechanism to survive in a dysfunctional family environment.
3. Enabling Behavior: Codependent partners often engage in enabling behavior, where they protect their partner from the negative consequences of their actions. This can lead to a cycle of dependency where the partner continues to engage in harmful behaviors without any accountability.
4. Low Self-Esteem: Codependent individuals may struggle with low self-esteem and may seek validation and approval from their partner. They may also have a fear of abandonment and may go to great lengths to avoid being alone.
5. Fear of abandonment: Codependent partners may have a fear of abandonment and may go to great lengths to avoid being alone. They may also feel responsible for their partner’s happiness and may sacrifice their own needs to ensure that their partner is happy.
6. Lack of boundaries: Codependent partners often have weak or non-existent boundaries, which can lead to the codependent partner feeling overwhelmed and resentful.
7. Emotional instability: Codependent relationships can be emotionally unstable, with the codependent partner feeling anxious, depressed, or angry when they are not with their partner. They may also feel a sense of relief or validation when their partner needs their help or support.

So what can be done when dealing with someone who creates this co-dependency and what key strategies you can utlize to better manage these bouts of jealousy when distancing yourself from the situation:

1. Set boundaries: It’s important to set clear boundaries with the codependent person and communicate them in a calm and assertive manner. This can help prevent the codependent person from overstepping your boundaries and enable you to prioritize your own needs and desires.
2. Encourage self-care: Encourage the codependent person to engage in self-care activities such as exercise, hobbies, and relaxation techniques. This can help the person develop a stronger sense of self and reduce their reliance on others for emotional support.
3. Provide support: While it’s important to set boundaries, it’s also important to provide emotional support to the codependent person. Listen to their concerns and offer validation and encouragement when appropriate.
4. Seek therapy: Suggest that the codependent person seek therapy or counseling to address their codependency. Therapy can help the person develop healthier coping mechanisms and establish healthier boundaries.
5. Be patient: Codependency is a complex issue and it may take time for the person to change their behavior. Be patient and understanding, and avoid blaming or criticizing the person.

It’s important to remember that codependency is a two-way street, and it’s possible that both partners in a relationship may engage in codependent behaviors. If you suspect that you may be codependent, it may be helpful to seek therapy or counseling for yourself as well.

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