Here are 4 very simple ways to connect emotionally with the man in your life. It’s all about understanding their love language and where the mind and heart meets.
In my professional experience, I have encountered numerous men who express frustration about the difficulties they face in connecting emotionally with their partners. They often describe the ongoing challenges and fluctuations they experience in their relationships. Despite my attempts to offer guidance through my book, “How to’s in understanding women,” which delves into the complexities of the female mind (Chapter 1 alone spans around 200 pages), it seems that decoding the intricate codes and nuances of women remains an enigma for men worldwide. Even as a married man myself, I find myself perplexed and bewildered by my spouse’s behavior, despite my extensive knowledge in psychology. It feels as though I am constantly scratching my head in confusion, sometimes even to the point of leaving visible marks.
On the other hand, when it comes to women understanding men in their relationships, it seems much simpler and more straightforward. I could write a book on the subject, but it would likely not exceed 20 pages, compared to the daunting 5,000-page manual about the How to’s in understanding women that all men would require to digest to fully comprehend their partners. Most of us are familiar with Gary Chapman’s concept of the five love languages, which many couples find useful in understanding and communicating with each other effectively. These love languages, including words of affirmation, physical touch, gifts, quality time, and acts of service, provide a framework for expressing and comprehending love in relationships.
To truly grasp these love languages, it is essential to practice expressing love in the language that resonates with your partner. For instance, if your partner’s love language is acts of service and yours is words of affirmation, it is crucial to offer acts of service to make them feel loved. For those who may not be familiar with these love languages, I have provided a summary below.
- Words of Affirmation: This love language emphasizes verbal expressions of love and appreciation. People who respond to this language feel most loved when they receive compliments, kind words, and encouragement from their partners.
- Acts of Service: For individuals with this love language, actions speak louder than words. They feel loved when their partners go out of their way to do helpful or meaningful things for them, such as completing chores, running errands, or offering assistance.
- Receiving Gifts: Some people feel most loved when they receive tangible symbols of affection. It’s not about the material value, but rather the thoughtfulness and effort behind the gift. Small or significant gestures can make a person with this love language feel cherished.
- Quality Time: This love language focuses on undivided attention and meaningful moments spent together. People who value quality time appreciate dedicated, uninterrupted periods where they can engage in conversation, activities, and connection with their partners.
- Physical Touch: This love language involves the power of physical contact and touch. It goes beyond just sexual intimacy and includes non-sexual forms of touch, such as hugging, holding hands, cuddling, and gentle touches. Individuals with this love language feel most loved when they experience physical affection.
It’s important to note that everyone has a primary love language, but they may also appreciate and respond to other love languages to varying degrees. Understanding and speaking your partner’s love language can greatly enhance the emotional connection and satisfaction in a relationship.
The primary element that sustains a man’s long-term commitment in a relationship is emotional closeness.
Numerous women often worry about having to compete with younger women encountered by their partners on a daily basis. It’s understandable to feel insecure about the possibility of losing your husband to an attractive, healthy fitness fanatic lady at your local gym, if your man ever works out.
However, it’s not merely physical attractiveness that maintains a relationship or marriage over time as physical look fades for both men and women. The key lies in developing a profound and meaningful emotional bond with your partner.
Long term married wives possess something far more valuable than just fit bodies and flawless skin: they have accumulated years’ worth of cherished memories in their marriage. These memories have strengthened their capacity to foster a healthy relationship and ensure that their partners return home each night feeling emotionally fulfilled.
So let’s share some 4 simple ways to connect with your husband.
Demonstrate adoration:
Expressing physical affection is a powerful way to show your love. Touch him tenderly and lovingly, creating a soothing connection. Avoid touch that feels grabbing or possessive, as it can push men away. Equally important is your ability to receive his touch. When he touches you, relax into it and allow yourself to melt into his warmth. Even if you are upset with him, communicate your need for space rather than jerking away abruptly. Rejecting his touch can be hurtful, so be clear about your boundaries while maintaining kindness and understanding.
Genuine playfulness stems from your own happiness and positive relationship with yourself. Cultivate joy, laughter, and relaxation in your life. Be kind to yourself when you’re feeling down and take time for self-care. Find ways to love your job, hobbies, and the little pleasures in life. Indulging your senses and enhancing your sensuality can contribute to a playful energy. When you authentically radiate positivity, bring that energy into your relationship. Find opportunities to enjoy your time together, refuse to take things too seriously, and aim to make him feel warm, tender, and lighthearted. Happy moments shared together foster emotional intimacy, as laughter and joy create a loving connection between your hearts.
Create a safe space for him to open up:
Once your man starts opening up and sharing parts of himself, it’s important not to use those revelations against him during heated arguments. Rather than using his vulnerabilities as ammunition, aim to communicate your feelings in a way that shows you genuinely hear and understand him. By honoring his feelings and showing empathy, you create a strong emotional connection. Healthy men are eager to hold and validate your feelings, even during challenging times, as long as they feel safe doing so.
Avoid fighting unfairly:
It’s crucial for your partner to feel comfortable confiding in you. In a world where men often feel pressured to maintain a tough facade, they need a place where they can be vulnerable. As a woman, you have the power to create an inviting environment for him to let his guard down and be himself. By revealing your own feelings and fears, you show him that you trust him and allow him to comfort you. Accept his gestures of comfort gracefully, even if they don’t immediately feel comforting. This vulnerability and reciprocal support will encourage him to open up about his own emotions and needs.
There are no shortcuts or quick fixes to ensure a successful relationship between couples. While there may be trends like Ozempic for weight loss, there isn’t a magic solution for achieving happiness in a relationship. What truly matters is genuine communication, respect, trust, and the ability to have healthy arguments that contribute to a lasting marriage (not forgetting the importance of a fulfilling sexual connection). It’s unrealistic to expect a couple to survive without any disagreements. However, the key lies in how couples argue and, more importantly, how they resolve conflicts after the argument. It’s essential for couples to recognize that challenges in a relationship can actually bring them closer together. Unfortunately, not everyone shares this perspective, which is reflected in the divorce rate and the thriving business of family law attorneys dealing with complex cases arising from these differences. Nevertheless, marriage and divorce will always coexist as a part of our society. The question to ask yourself is: How do you choose to live your married life, in a state of peace or constant conflict?
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Strategies in keeping a strong bond during marital conflict: Avoiding discussing about important issues can be detrimental to your relationship long term.
Conflicts in marriage are inevitable. If you never argue, it may indicate underlying issues in your relationship. Failing to get along during challenging times is common, and arguments occur in both personal and professional settings. However, it is important to keep arguments fair and free from insults and condescending remarks that harm both parties. Winning every battle is not the goal; choosing resolution and compromise is essential. Some couples may not argue often but prefer peace despite disagreements. How conflicts are handled varies based on each couple’s nature and the environment they create for each other in stressful moments.
It is important to understand that not all strategies listed below will work for every couple. What works for one couple may not work for another, even if the nature of their conflicts is similar. In cases where one party is narcissistic, conflicts can escalate quickly. Some conflicts may be resolved swiftly, while others may last for months. Couples often seek help only when they are at their breaking point, instead of being proactive. It is essential to offer options to the couple, and they can choose to apply one or multiple strategies from the list. Trial and error is necessary to determine what works best.
In relationships, it is common for people to either avoid conflict or distance themselves from their partner when conflicts arise. Some may believe that avoiding conflict can contribute to a healthy relationship, but this is not always true. However, there are situations where avoiding conflict, arguments, and fights can be a form of self-care.
Just like with anything, too much of one thing can have negative consequences. Engaging in excessive conflict or completely avoiding it can both harm your relationship. It can be difficult to determine whether you are withdrawing to avoid conflict as a way to punish your partner or if you are disengaging lovingly as an act of self-care.
Effective Communication: Communication is crucial. During conflicts, actively listen, express thoughts and feelings calmly and respectfully, and avoid blame or criticism. Use “I” statements to express needs and concerns without attacking your partner.
Empathy and Understanding: Strive to understand your partner’s perspective and emotions. Show empathy by acknowledging their feelings and validating their experiences. Avoid dismissing or minimizing their concerns.
Compromise and Collaboration: Seek mutually beneficial solutions by finding common ground and being open to compromise. Approach conflict resolution as a collaborative effort instead of a win-lose situation.
Respect Boundaries: Respect each other’s personal boundaries and allow space and time for reflection during heated moments. Avoid crossing boundaries or engaging in disrespectful behavior.
Conflict Resolution Skills: Develop effective conflict resolution skills like active listening, problem-solving, and negotiation. Consider professional help, such as couples therapy or counseling, to learn and practice these skills.
Emotional Support: Provide emotional support to your partner during challenging times. Show empathy, understanding, and reassurance. Be a source of comfort and encouragement for each other.
Cultivate Intimacy: Foster emotional and physical intimacy in the relationship. Engage in activities that strengthen the emotional connection, spend quality time together, express affection, and have open and honest conversations.
Practice Self-Care: Take care of your physical, emotional, and mental well-being. Engage in self-care practices that reduce stress and promote overall health. Prioritizing self-care allows you to contribute positively to the relationship.
Remember, maintaining a strong bond and peaceful atmosphere requires continuous effort and commitment from both partners. View conflicts as opportunities for personal growth and learning, rather than sources of division. This process can change your approach to conflicts, enabling you to handle them in a mature and loving manner.
If your intention is to genuinely love yourself and your partner, it is crucial to remain open and receptive to the truth of what is happening in your relationship. On the other hand, if your intention is to protect, control, or evade, you will shut down and avoid facing the underlying pain in your unloving relationship. Whether you are experiencing conflict in a long-term marriage or a new relationship, it is important to assess yourself and ensure that you approach problems with self-care in mind, rather than simply avoiding them. This is essential because evading conflict and relationship issues may ultimately lead to the demise of your marriage.
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Knowing when its time to let go of your existing relationship. Some obvious signs that the end is soon approaching.
As a devoted marriage counselor, my purpose is to guide individuals in improving their romantic relationships and, in many cases, rescuing marriages teetering on the brink of divorce. Through my extensive experience, I have come to understand the multifaceted nature of healthy relationships. When couples seek my assistance, they often present their existing problems, seeking solutions—a natural expectation. However, I must prioritize the safety and well-being of all parties involved, and I cannot ignore instances of violence and abuse within a marriage.
If I were to attempt to salvage a marriage plagued by violence and abuse, I would be accepting the responsibility for potential dire consequences that the vulnerable spouse may face. As marriage counselors, our role is to provide options and alternatives to the challenges couples encounter, but we should not gauge our professional success solely by the number of marriages saved throughout our careers.
When couples come to me seeking guidance for their existing challenges, I refrain from asking the traditional question, “What brought you here today?” Instead, I shift the focus to the positive outcomes they hope to achieve during our session. By avoiding the former question, which opens the floodgates to all their problems, I create space for a more positive and productive conversation.
As counselors, it is our duty to help couples rediscover the initial reasons that brought them together—the joyful memories, the emotional and spiritual connections they experienced during their courtship. By allowing them to reconnect with the positive aspects of their relationship, rather than solely focusing on the overwhelming issues they currently face, we can foster peace of mind and enable effective communication between them. This approach does not imply avoiding discussions about their problems; rather, it encourages a different approach to addressing them.
It is undeniable that most people yearn for a long-term, committed partnership. However, the journey toward achieving this goal is often laden with challenges. Startling statistics reveal that around 50% of initial marriages end in divorce, while an even higher percentage of subsequent marriages—66% for second marriages and 73% for third marriages—ultimately meet the same fate. It is disheartening to witness so many relationships dissolve needlessly, especially when there is potential for restoration. The root cause of these failures often lies in the absence of a reliable guiding system and with that creates a very hostile environment for both couples and may be the sign to let go of what can be a very long lasting toxic relationship.
Here are some obvious signs to pay attention to when dealing with very difficult marriage.
- Loss of Hope from Both Partners: Obviously, this should be the first one to write about.
When both partners have reached a point of surrendering hope, it becomes evident through the absence of any efforts to improve the relationship. The once warm connection has now grown cold and brittle. One or both individuals may be silently awaiting the opportune moment to exit, having resigned themselves to the belief that love is no longer attainable.
Determining the right time to leave is a deeply personal decision that no one else can truly dictate. As a counselor, when someone seeks my guidance, I conduct a comprehensive assessment, delving into the intricacies of their relationship. We explore the duration of their partnership, the presence of children, their previous attempts to seek help, and the aspirations each individual holds for their future. By thoroughly examining these factors, we can gain clarity and insight to navigate the best path forward.
2. Frequent Occurrence of Betrayals
When we mention betrayals, our minds typically gravitate toward instances of sexual infidelity within certain relationships. However, it’s important to recognize that betrayals can manifest in both emotional and sexual forms. When we find ourselves lacking a sense of security and unable to rely on our partner for both physical and emotional support, it might be a sign that it is time to consider exiting the relationship.
3. Redirecting Energies Outside the Relationship
As our commitment to a relationship wanes, we may gradually find ourselves investing our energies in other connections. Sharing our genuine emotions with close friends becomes more prevalent. Our focus shifts towards external sources, and we start giving to others what we have ceased to offer our partner. This redirection of attention can be a sign that the relationship is no longer receiving the necessary care and investment, prompting the need for introspection and potential reevaluation.
4. Leading Separate Lives
While the relationship may appear intact on the surface, the truth is that both you and your partner have started living separate lives. Your individual interests and pursuits have shifted elsewhere, leaving your life with your partner feeling like a mere hollow shell. This disconnect signifies a significant gap in emotional and relational connection, highlighting the need for honest introspection and potential actions to rebuild the bond or reassess the future of the relationship.
5. Transition from Love to Hostility
Frequently, couples express moments when intense emotions make them contemplate extreme thoughts toward their partner, even while acknowledging the presence of lingering love. Similarly, some individuals admit that the love they once shared has diminished, yet they still harbor a sense of concern and desire for the revival of affection. However, when love transforms into hate, it may indicate that the relationship requires serious consideration and possibly an end.
6. Seeking Distance from the Relationship
In circumstances where relationships have become consistently unhappy, individuals or their partners may actively seek ways to create distance. They may resort to working long hours or find excuses to avoid returning home. These behaviors can be indicative of underlying dissatisfaction within the relationship, and it may be necessary to address these issues in order to restore harmony and fulfillment.
7. The Dominance of Blame and Shame in the Relationship
Nurturing care and mutual respect are essential pillars of a healthy marriage. However, in troubled relationships, a destructive pattern emerges where one partner is constantly blamed, demeaned, and subjected to derogatory remarks. This toxic behavior undermines the foundation of the relationship and inhibits its potential for growth and happiness.
8. Detrimental Impact on Your Well-being
While all relationships can be sources of stress to some extent, chronic stress stemming from a relationship can have severe consequences on your health. It can lead to various ailments, ranging from breast cancer to heart problems. If the relationship you’re in is taking a toll on your physical and emotional well-being, it might be necessary to consider leaving it in order to prioritize your overall health.
9. Unfair Attribution of Blame
In any relationship, when difficulties arise, it is common for both individuals to contribute to the problem’s existence as well as its resolution. However, if one person consistently shifts all blame onto the other and holds them solely responsible for every issue that arises, it serves as a clear sign that the relationship is trapped in a detrimental pattern, hindering progress and growth.
Frequently, individuals seek my assistance when they recognize that their relationship is facing significant challenges. Often, one person contemplates leaving, while the other remains committed to preserving the partnership. Remarkably, even relationships that appear grim and devoid of hope have witnessed remarkable progress and restoration through my guidance.
It’s important to acknowledge that not all relationships can be salvaged, and some may need to conclude in order for both partners to find renewed freedom and forge ahead with their lives.
Lingering in a stagnant and unfulfilling relationship can inflict unimaginable pain, just as leaving a relationship carries its own unique set of emotional burdens. If you find yourself grappling with the decision of whether to stay or leave, I highly recommend seeking the support of a skilled marriage counselor who can offer valuable insights and facilitate a constructive exploration of your options.
The long term effect of narcissistic abuse in a marriage: Is there a way out of this torture?
Long-term narcissistic abuse can have a severe and lasting impact on a marriage. The narcissistic partner may exert control over the other spouse, leading to a loss of autonomy and self-worth. Over time, the victim may feel trapped, isolated, and helpless.
The emotional abuse inflicted by a narcissistic partner can also cause significant psychological damage, such as depression, anxiety, and PTSD. The constant criticism and belittling can erode the victim’s self-esteem, leaving them feeling worthless and incapable of making decisions for themselves.
Moreover, the narcissistic partner may engage in manipulative behavior, such as gaslighting, which can distort the victim’s perception of reality and make them doubt their own memory and judgment. This can create a state of confusion and self-doubt, leading to further emotional distress.
In some cases, long-term narcissistic abuse can escalate into physical violence, which poses a serious threat to the victim’s safety and well-being.
So how can we know we are in a narcissistic relationship/marriage? Are these signs as obvious as we may think?
Here are some common examples of what to be paying attention to when experiencing narcissistic abuse. It depends on the spectrum of the type of narcissistic you are dealing with, just like many other illnesses out there, there are levels to be concerned about.
1. Emotional manipulation: A narcissistic partner may use emotional manipulation to control their partner’s behavior. They might use guilt-trips, emotional blackmail, or other tactics to get what they want.
2. Gaslighting: A narcissistic partner might try to make their partner doubt their own perceptions or memories. For example, they might say things like, “That never happened,” or “You’re overreacting.”
3. Constant criticism: A narcissistic partner may constantly criticize their partner’s appearance, behavior, or other aspects of their life. This can lead to feelings of inadequacy and low self-esteem in the victim.
4. Isolation: A narcissistic partner may try to isolate their partner from their friends and family. They might discourage their partner from spending time with others, or they might try to turn their partner’s loved ones against them.
5. Blame-shifting: A narcissistic partner may refuse to take responsibility for their own actions and instead blame their partner for everything that goes wrong in the relationship.
6. Withholding affection: A narcissistic partner may withhold affection or intimacy as a way to punish their partner or to manipulate them into doing what they want.
7. Sabotage: A narcissistic partner may intentionally sabotage their partner’s career, hobbies, or other interests as a way to maintain control over them.
Are there some symptoms we need to be familiar with when dealing with narcissistic abuse?
Identifying symptoms of narcissistic abuse syndrome may be more straightforward when observing it in others rather than in oneself. Narcissistic partners are adept at manipulating their partner’s emotions, thoughts, and actions, and their behavior can even affect the mental health of their children..
Here are some symptoms that a person may experience as a result of narcissistic abuse:
1. Low self-esteem: A person who has experienced narcissistic abuse may struggle with feelings of worthlessness, inadequacy, and low self-esteem.
2. Anxiety and depression: Narcissistic abuse can lead to anxiety and depression, as the victim may feel trapped, isolated, and powerless.
3. Trust issues: A person who has experienced narcissistic abuse may have difficulty trusting others, particularly in intimate relationships.
4. Emotional detachment: Victims of narcissistic abuse may become emotionally detached as a way to protect themselves from further harm.
5. Hypervigilance: A person who has experienced narcissistic abuse may be hypervigilant, constantly on guard for signs of danger or manipulation.
6. Chronic pain: Narcissistic abuse can lead to physical symptoms, such as chronic pain or headaches, as a result of the ongoing stress and anxiety.
7. Post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD): In severe cases, narcissistic abuse can lead to PTSD, which can cause flashbacks, nightmares, and other symptoms associated with trauma.
8. Self-blame: Victims of narcissistic abuse may blame themselves for the abuse they have experienced, leading to feelings of shame and guilt.
These symptoms can vary in severity and duration depending on the individual and their specific experiences of narcissistic abuse.
If a friend is dealing with a narcissistic partner, can you recognize the signs and offer help?
If you suspect that a friend is dealing with a narcissistic partner, there are several signs to look out for that may indicate that your friend is being abused:
1. Your friend seems unhappy or stressed all the time, and may seem anxious or depressed.
2. Your friend’s partner seems to control them, either by telling them what to do or by making all the decisions in the relationship.
3. Your friend’s partner is highly critical of them, constantly putting them down or making them feel inadequate.
4. Your friend’s partner is emotionally manipulative, using guilt trips or other tactics to get what they want.
5. Your friend’s partner is highly self-centered and lacks empathy for others, including your friend.
If you notice any of these signs, it’s important to offer your friend support and let them know that you’re there for them. However, it’s important to approach the situation with sensitivity, as your friend may be reluctant to discuss their relationship or may not be aware that they are being abused.
You can offer to help your friend find resources, such as contacting DMV therapy and coaching services at 301-325-1550 and refer them for a special discount on sessions. It’s important to avoid blaming or criticizing your friend, as this can make them feel even more isolated and vulnerable. Instead, offer empathy, support, and a non-judgmental ear to listen. Sometimes, suggesting leaving their abusive partner can end up being detrimental to the one suggesting that way out, as you may not know what strategies they may take to retaliate against you. Always be cautious with these very abusive personalities as they are capable of doing anything and everything they can to discredit you.
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7 expectations wives have towards their husbands to keep them happy, day in and day out.
Males are more concerned with passion and enjoyment in a relationship/marriage than their counterparts. In general, women are more emotional in relationships, whereas men are more concerned with keeping things light and entertaining. While passion is necessary to maintain a relationship, males are more emotionally affected by its absence. Sometimes, communication is broken and none of the spouse are willing to express themselves accordingly, and if they do, the other spouse tend to shut down and avoid conflict. It is not uncommon to have ONE of the two parties to wanting to discuss the challenges in the marriage, while the other will always think everything is going smoothly. The flight or flee attitude kicks in and without addressing the situation properly, the marriage can face worst problems long terms.
Understanding your spouse’s needs and how to meet them is one of the most crucial components of marriage.
But do you know what a woman, in particular, need in a marriage?
Fortunately, we’re here to assist couples who are having difficulty figuring it out.
For example, communication is critical, but how frequently should you communicate?
How should it appear? Even sex is essential, but how frequently should you make love?
Wives and husbands do not see eye to eye on everything and we tend to see why with the many memes circulating over the internet as to what women expect from their men in relationship. While men are simple creature and prefer a peaceful life with good food, lots of sex and a nurturing spouse, the list is somewhat short to make them happy. On the other hand, we look at the list of expectation from wives towards husbands and it is a long as the diameter of planet Earth. Why do we see such a large distinctions between genders related to expectations?
A fulfilling marriage for both partners is influenced by a number of things.Yet, we have some advice for couples who are confused how to satisfy their partner’s expectations in any aspect of their relationship. If you include these suggestions into your relationship, you will immediately notice that your wife is more satisfied and happier, and you will be pleased in your marriage as well.
Because everyone is unique, this list may not apply to all spouses.
Yet, after significant study, I am persuaded that the following “needs” represent the daily wishes of the majority of women.
What wives expects from their husbands.
1. To feel cared and loved with compassion.
A husband expresses his love for his wife by both his words and his deeds. A husband should tell his wife (at least once a day) that he loves her, but those words should be backed up with tenderness and thoughtfulness in his deeds.
2. To feel attractive to their spouse .
Whether a woman is dressed up to go out or wearing an old t-shirt around the home, she must feel beautiful in her husband’s eyes. A husband satisfies this demand by complimenting her, flirting with her, displaying tenderness, and having eyes solely for her.
A man can’t look at every lady walking by or on TV and then tell his wife he only has eyes for her.
3. To be hugged.
A woman’s yearning for physical intimacy is a constant longing. This can be satisfied by the spouse delivering a shoulder/back/foot massage at the conclusion of the day, as well as embraces and caresses throughout the day. Such touches satisfy both physical and emotional needs.
This includes sexual closeness, but women have a stronger desire for physical contact outside of the bedroom than males.
4. Emotional Validation.
Women prefer being validated than listened to. WE been thought that reflective listening is key for proper communication but what has more impact is validating her emotions and understand where they originate from. Understanding the non-verbal cues is crucial to better capture her moods and let her figure out the best solution. Sometimes, getting too involved can be detrimental to the relationship.
5. Being appreciated.
When a guy is considerate, he expresses love, care, gratitude, and respect for his wife. Appreciation isn’t only for romantic occasions; it’s a daily requirement and a necessary component of a healthy, happy marriage.
6. Being able to provide a safe environment for the family
Safe environment includes financial, as being the good provider, but also safe as feeling protected in case of major dilemma. Being the man of the house comes with great responsibilities. If you are not ready to provide for them in every aspect of relationship, it is important to determine if you are the right person for the job.
And FINALLY…. Well, it is not really final, as wives always want more and more from their spouses. It is important to find a good balance to what you can give and how much you can get back. Selflessness always work wonders but marriage is always a two way street.
7. To be the best lover/lasting hours in bed, handyman, plumber, electrician, carpenter, roofer, landscaper, therapist/counselor, have 6 pack abs, be great step-dad, financial planner, tour guide, kind, nurturing etc………..
Sorry, i couldn’t find images for all of the attributes listed above.
So yes, this list may sound ludicrous when reading it but for many, these are the norms when it comes to expectations, and when these expectations are not meant, we face disappointments and when that happens, we get a very unhappy spouse.
Marriage or relationships are not easy, and keeping the passion is harder as you get older. Couples must understand that if they want to live in peace and serenity with each other, they must learn not to be expecting too much from the other, and allow themselves to compromise when things do not go their way. In marriage, “my way or the highway” will only take you to ONE major road: The divorce one.
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8 difficult situations that can kill ANY marriage if not addressed quickly and efficiently
The divorce rate in the USA has fluctuated over the years, but it generally hovers around 39% to 50%. While divorce can be a difficult and painful process, it’s important to remember that sometimes it’s necessary for the health and happiness of both partners involved. Seeking support from friends, family, or a therapist can help individuals navigate the process of divorce and move forward with their lives.
To avoid having to deal with these very traumatic challenges related to filing for separation or divorce, it is important to not fall into what is most common challenges to cause couples from filing. We have gathered the top 8 challenges for you to read through and gain as much knowledge as you possibly can to not be a part of the statistic shared above.
While some people are adamantly opposed to being in a couple, human nature and evolutionary biology dictate that the great majority of people desire an intimate connection.
So, lets focus on the needy greedy part of what can kill a marriage?
- Lack of Communication: Communication is the backbone of any relationship, including marriage. Failing to communicate or communicating poorly can lead to misunderstandings and mistrust, which can eventually kill a marriage.
- Infidelity: Cheating on your spouse is one of the most hurtful and destructive actions that can kill a marriage. Infidelity breaks the trust between spouses, and it can be challenging to regain that trust.
- Financial Problems: Financial issues, such as debt or overspending, can create significant stress and tension in a marriage. It’s essential to work together as a team to manage finances effectively and avoid letting financial issues come between you and your spouse.
- Lack of Intimacy: Physical intimacy is an essential aspect of a healthy marriage. A lack of intimacy or a decline in sexual activity can create distance between spouses and cause them to feel disconnected.
- Constant Criticism: Constant criticism can be emotionally draining and can create a hostile environment in a marriage. It’s crucial to provide constructive feedback rather than criticism and to communicate in a respectful and positive manner.
- Poor Conflict Resolution Skills: Conflicts and disagreements are inevitable in any relationship. However, if couples don’t have the necessary skills to resolve conflicts effectively, they can spiral out of control and create significant damage to the marriage.
- Neglecting the Relationship: Neglecting your spouse’s emotional needs or failing to prioritize your relationship can cause your marriage to deteriorate. It’s essential to make time for each other and show appreciation and affection regularly.
- Lack of Trust: Trust is crucial in any relationship, and without it, a marriage is unlikely to survive. Actions that erode trust, such as lying or hiding information from your spouse, can kill a marriage. It’s crucial to be honest and transparent with your spouse to maintain trust in the relationship.
While these frequent relationship issues can be devastating, they can also be chances to get your relationship back on track.
If you and your partner are having problems, consult with a competent marriage counselor.
With a lot of hard effort, the relationship may frequently be preserved if both individuals are ready and able to accept their respective responsibilities in the circumstance.
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Dating Terminologies of the 21st century: Roller coaster of uncertainties and disappointments.
Dating in the 21st century can be daunting, to say the least. With the instant gratification mentality, it is all about how to satisfy our immediate needs without too much effort and invested time into the courting phase. If this is what you are looking for, then all the power to you. If you are looking for something more serious, it is crucial to make sure the other party in question is seeking for the same. However, how can you be sure of that? Proper communication is key so you can built rapport and trust towards each other. However, when the person “ghost” you after the first date, how can you built anything meaningful? Now, I am sure you have all come across many other “terms” when exposing yourself to online dating and certainly very frustrating. It is highly probable that many are familiar with some of the terms listed below, but I am also sure you aren’t aware of the many that pops up on a weekly basis in this challenging dating world we live in. So get ready for a not so exciting and aggravating roller coaster ride of terms and definitions you probably never heard of. These terms are not only experienced by yourself, as being the victim, but you can also be the one creating this toxic environment towards others you are dating without consciously being aware of your actions.
Breadcrumbing
When someone follows up with a romantic prospect on a regular basis, dangles the potential of a date, and keeps them intrigued, but never follows through on what they actually want: a relationship.
Cobwebbing
In order to move on, this act of selflove entails removing any artifacts from former relationships (old sweaters, text threads, or images). Many dating experts believes that keeping old phone numbers and images “keeps someone from being truly present and involved in their dating process.”
Cuffing
The act of being tied down to one partner, mainly during the colder months of the year, is derived from the phrase “handcuffed” (also known as cuffing season). Outside the cuffing season, being cuffed can also apply to someone in a committed relationship.
Cyberflashing
Sending unwelcome sexual photos to another person via digital methods, such as a dating app or social networking site, but also by SMS or another file-sharing tool, such as Airdrop.
Although there is no federal legislation outlawing cyberflashing, states such as California and Texas passed rules last year that allow victims to seek legal redress if they receive unwelcome sexual photos online. Some states are drafting laws to address this problem.
Cookie-jarring
When a person wants another person’s connection as a backup plan. Someone who is cookie-jarring seeks their backup person when the one they genuinely want isn’t accessible or has rejected them in the similar manner that individuals would go for a cookie when they want a quick delight.
Gaslighting
Manipulate someone into doubting their logic, perceptions, recollections, or comprehension of an incident that occurred. Typical techniques include outright lying, denial, and trivializing their sentiments, which can lead to an unhealthy power shift in a partnership.
Ghosting
The act of abruptly disappearing or breaking off all communication with someone you’re dating, in a relationship with, or who you’ve merely matched with online.
“Ghosting is incredibly dehumanizing, and a lot of people don’t realize that,” Dr. Jones said, adding that it may cause people to question their own worth and value as human beings.
“It frequently sets off abandonment triggers.”
Love Bombing
In order to obtain control of a new romantic partner, lavish them with extravagant gestures and continuous contact while also isolating them from friends and family. While not all extravagant expressions of devotion are red flags, love bombing might be difficult to detect.
Orbiting
When a person has shut off communication with another person or made it plain that they are not interested in continuing a relationship, yet they continue to communicate with that person on social media, typically through views and likes.
This also relates to the habit of stalking possible romantic partners on social media without making contact.
According to experts, many people, particularly women in heteronormative relationships, may misinterpret this as someone being explicit about their desire when it is not.
“People might be scrolling through social media while sitting on the toilet and enjoying posts,” she explained.
“It can imply absolutely nothing and it frequently does.”
Rizz
This contemporary notion is short for “charisma” and is popular among members of Generation Z. Many expert said it’s quite popular on TikTok and refers to someone’s skill to flirt with and captivate a possible love interest. This might include having an appealing personality or an underlying attraction that others find difficult to resist. The phrase was invented by Kai Cenat, a Twitch broadcaster and influencer, who stated that rizz originally refers to the capacity to attract someone who wasn’t initially interested in you.
Situationship
A romantic or sexual connection in which neither party communicates effectively enough to establish their status. Unlike “friends with benefits,” neither side in a situationship knows what the other is to them. This can be perplexing and lacks the constancy and support that an established connection provides.
Soft-Launching
Uploading a covert photo or video of your new partner on Instagram or another social media platform to announce your relationship while keeping their identity hidden. The idea is that you don’t want to write about them too soon on your account in case they don’t work out. Sharing images with merely your partner’s hands clasped in yours is one example. “You’re gradually introducing the concept that you all may be a thing,” Dr. Jones added.
“Everything is influenced by social media,” she explained. “It’s become the relationship’s third wheel.”
So here it is, the dreadful list of terms that most of you haven’t heard of but exists. It is also possible that you may read this list and feel guilty as you have somewhat created this environment to other victims without even being aware of your toxic actions. Regardless of being the victim or culprit, you can now be alert and aware of what can others do to you or you do to others.
It is a very difficult world out there so make sure to always stay safe, and when going on a date, make sure to let close friends or family be aware of your whereabouts. Watch out for the many psychopath whackos out there not expressing any empathy for human lives, excluding their own.
Strategic ways to make your marriage divorce proof. Hang on, it should be a wild ride.
Our older generation became experts when it comes to relationships, marriages and learning way to fix problems instead of just replacing them. The newer generation isn’t playing the field with the same mindset. If you look at the new Iphone releases where you see thousands of people camping outside the local Apple store to get their hands on an Iphone that doesn’t offer any incredible new features compared to their older model that works PERFECTLY fine, but yet, they feel it needs replacement. A couple of thousand dollars later, they are not changing much of their usage level compared to their older model. Nevertheless, the trend is here to stay until the new generation really understands the sanctity of marriage and the importance on working together to guarantee a divorce-proof union.
So here are some ways that smart people use to guarantee a long term and happy marriage with their significant other.
1. They have similar goals and work together to make those goals a reality.
The first thing you should ask your spouse is, “What do you aspire to create in your life? Or “Where do you see our life in 10 years from now? What are the dreams you want to achieve as 2, instead of one?
It’s vital that your hopes and expectations align, otherwise misery may take over your relationship. Basically, when your expectations do not match your vision, you will feel resentment for each other, especially if one of the spouse have to let go of their dream to make the other’s come true. Every one has an equal right to pursue their goals and stay inspired by their pursuit of happiness. This is where most couples fails at and ends up with lots of toxicity and very expensive divorce. That cannot be sustained in the long run. When communicating with each other, try discussing these points prior to getting married, as doing it after can be counter-intuitive. When doing so, keep the following points in mind: Where would you both want to live? Are you more into renting or owning a home? If owning, the size of the house will depend on the size of your family, so how big would you want that? About careers, what are the expectations from one to the other? If someone is more into starting a business, will the other one pick up the slack with their steady salary during the first few years of the business to pay for all the bills until the business generates revenue? If you are an adventurer, are you more into exploring the rest of the world or staying put? Make sure to take time to answer these questions prior to walking down the aisle and signing the marriage certificate. It is always easier to get married than getting divorced.
2. Family dynamics and responsibilities towards the extended members of the clan — and getting along with the latter
Family relationships are sometimes a highly sensitive and emotional issue, so it’s vital to be on the same page as your spouse in this regard. Some cultures are more inclined to keeping the family close by, even after marriage. Italians, Greeks, Latinos and many more feel that their close knit family mindset is to go on even when trying to build a family on their own. It is not uncommon that some with extended family will meet every weekend for a large gathering while eating delicious foods and play all afternoon at the park. Depending on who you decided to tie the knot with, they may not perceive this weekend gathering as something they want to partake in.
In the minute chance that they are inclined in wanting to be there and enjoy family time with your extended clan, then you are in luck and should cherish it.
Another major issue that can create tension is when one of the spouses is a caretaker for one or both of their parents and uses lots of their income to pay for their medical bills, which leaves almost nothing left to pay for their own bills or afford much of anything. This in itself can cause lots of strife and resentment between the couples. It can be very difficult to separate yourself from this situation as you committed yourself to her, which indirectly committed to members of her family.
3. Fitness is and should be each others number 1 priority — and align with actions and behavior
Your views toward health and fitness, as well as any present health difficulties, are all vital elements to consider in any prospective marriage. This is far too crucial to be unauthentic or to omit to give any facts or family history you may already be aware of. However, aside from your basic health, you must also have your beliefs aligned related to fitness and overall activity levels. How important is eating healthy and fitness regimen? If you’re a practicing vegan and a gym junkie, you’re likely to clash with a spouse who is only a couch potato and junk food junkie. Always remember that couples who work-out together, stay together.
Here is one important question to consider: Is it vital to you to have a regular fitness routine with your spouse, or would you prefer a workout between you and your Bluetooth earbuds? Is your spouse in the same activity level as you or the difference of weight between you both are in the couple hundred pounds?
What is more upsetting to you: missing out on your favorite Netflix series or not getting in a workout?
Is your fitness routine a crucial point to make your relationship thrive? Can weight gain completely obliterate your sex life and in of your spouse? Will losing attraction towards them bend you forward towards cheating on that person?
4. Money conscious: Who is the spender and who is the frugal?
Money is claimed to be the number one stressor in relationships, and nothing brings out more tension, stress, and animosity than two individuals on completely different financial pages. If you’re a saver and your spouse has maxed up credit cards, it’s a deal breaker no matter how much you love your partner. Don’t fool yourself. It is more apparent that the new generation is doing background investigation on the ones they date prior to engagement to figure out their credit score, or they debt to income ratio to make sure this person is a viable mate. It is not uncommon to see more and more people going into relationship and looking for sugar daddies or mommies to take them out of their financial ruins. No one is responsible to do that except yourself. Putting this responsibility into someone else isn’t fair for that person and should start looking at better options.
Make sure to set up a financial plan for both of you to agree upon short, mid and long terms. Have some bank accounts separate and some in common. Save equally for bigger purchases (home, cars, and whatever) but each should have their own spending account so they don’t need to depend on the other to get a manicure or go fishing with friends. Financial literacy should be taught in every school across the nation so we can avoid these future pitfalls in relationship.
5. Sanctity of marriage: How to avoid falling for temptation and end up regretting it.
What importance do you place on having the same values and expectations when it comes to monogamy and infidelity? Can the latter cause so much strife between couple that the marriage will imminently end up in divorce? In some cases, divorce is NOT the best solution.
It can be a hard pill to swallow to accept the prospect of having only one partner for the rest of their lives as it may sound like a life sentence with no possibility of parole.
For some, it is the most straightforward deal-breaker on the planet. The thought of waking up with the same person day in and day out can be suicidal at best. Hence, the reason why many are just not meant to be or stay married.
So what happens if these two get married? Is open marriage an option to keep the relationship sizzling for longer period of time? Is swinging another possible option (as long as you both stay safe) to keep the marriage healthy? Communication is key and it is crucial that all this is being discussed before appearing in circuit court and pronouncing: “I do” to each other.
6. Building a family: What are each other expectations?
There are many undiscussed expectations when it comes to the size of family either spouse wants. If one of the spouse is born in a large family with many siblings, chances are that they would want to get as close as they can with the numbers they had when growing up. On the other hand, the other spouse may have had no siblings, and living this way was perfectly fine when growing up. It is crucial to discuss these expectations to avoid disappointment. It is also crucial that if you do have a large family in mind when it comes to the near future, it is also important to consider the finances related to a large clan. Make sure to consider that your spouse can’t take the full burden to financially provide for everyone. A heart to heart discussion is a must to avoid these kinds of disappointments.
There are a lot more questions to ask if you go further. What is your timetable for having children?
Do you want to start trying right away, or do you want to wait until later?
What type of disciplinarian do you consider yourself to be? Are you a rigid, no-nonsense person, or are you more laid-back and adaptable?
What about public verses private schools?
As you can see, there are several critical elements that necessitate mutually agreed-upon judgments in just this one area.
7. What are your religious beliefs to implement in the household. If two different religion due to different upbringing, which religion will be the dominant one?
It literally comes down to who you think is the one that practice the most its religion.
In other words, how important is spirituality or faith to you?
Do you consider yourself a devoted religious person or an atheist?
Do you have any holiday customs or religious rituals?
What are your thoughts on which religion will the kids follow? The mother or the father?
Would you send your children to Sunday religious schools or sports?
Even if you first believe you’re on the same page, keep in mind that people’s ideas tend to fluctuate and evolve over the course of a lifetime. In some cases, if one of the spouse never followed any religion, it is more likely for them to be more lenient when it comes to which religion the household will follow.
Essentially, if you don’t address these difficulties, you won’t have a chance of long-term success.
There is much to discuss and resolve before you can properly settle down and built a long term and happy marriage. Even though this checklist is based on my knowledge and extensive clinical research, please bear in mind that there is no one answer fits all scenarios. There are multiple complexities and variations when it comes to deciding which spouse would be the best fit among the billion others out there, so it is imperative that you choose wisely. Falling in love at first sight is great, but staying in love for life will keep your eyesight out of divorce court.
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12 essential strategies to rekindling a failing marriage: You can customize each of them as you wish
Marriage is difficult. We all want to fall in love with that ONE person and live happily ever after. Some cases, the true soulmate exist and love continues on until death do them part. The other majority experience challenges daily and some of these experiences can shatter the foundation of their love, which in some cases, can be difficult to bring back. IF that occurs, is there a way to revert back to how they felt the first day they met? Can couples overcome the boredom, the ritual, the obligations of households and family responsibilities? We will tackle this subject by sharing key strategies in rekindling a failing marriage.
1. Avoid adopting a critical perspective.
There may have been times when your partner did something hurtful to you and never apologized.
Maybe they’ll keep doing it even after you tell them how much it annoys you.
According to neuropsychologist and life coach Sydney Ceruto, Ph.D., this might cause you to become resentful towards them.
“At some point, any person in a marriage may find themselves observing their partner through a critical lens,” Dr. Ceruto explains. “Spouses also start magnifying or zeroing in on their partner’s mistakes, cataloguing their flaws, and building a case to use at a later date,” she adds. “It is way too easy when you live in close quarters with someone to pick them apart and get annoyed at some of their habits, when after all, the truth is, your partner probably always had these qualities, even when you first fell in love.”
2. Consider what you like and appreciate about your significant other
When you need to ask your spouse for something that might be interpreted as nagging, limit your request to three phrases at most.
“The art of being assertive without coming off as aggressive lies in being succinct and using a warm tone of voice and body language,” Bowman explains.
“When you keep your requests to three sentences or fewer, it’s almost impossible to blame, use sarcasm or use put-downs.” It’s also much more probable that you’ll get your message through without distracting your partner. Make your request while smiling. Be genuine and upbeat. You may even place your hand on his leg and remark, “The home is a shambles, and I’m exhaustted from a busy day at work. Could you assist me with cleaning this place? I could definitely need your assistance.”
4. Don’t be too confident about yourself.
How to Use Economics to Master Love, Marriage, and Dirty Dishes. “Couples must actively plan how they will handle their money: combine it?
Is it possible to separate it? Make a joint account while keeping some separate? Whatever choice is made, both individuals must be a part of it and then work out what has to be done to keep the system running.”
Can a relationship survive cheating?
Cheating, either mental or physical is unjust and can be equally emotionally draining on both sides. However, there are many couples out there who have overcome infidelity and moved on in their relationships or marriage.
This differs from one person’s perspective to the others. It might be the last straw for someone. But some others may be more forgiving. If at any given point you are experiencing this, the first and foremost situation you need to accept is that that the damage is done and you cannot undo it in any shape or form. If you are being cheated on, you shouldn’t blame yourself and accept the situation. Secondly, you need to assess the situation and find out the cause due to which the cheating actually took place. Talk to your partner and observe their approach towards the matter.
Before taking any firm decision, think about what really went wrong. Ask yourself if you still want to be with that person, if you really are willing to go through the process of reshaping the relationship and forgiving their indiscretion. Once you are firm on your decision, you convey the same to your partner. It is also important to understand their view on this situation as they were the one who wanted something or someone outside the relationship. You need to figure out if they genuinely love and want to be with you or they are just afraid of losing companionship and left to be alone.
Once that is sorted, you need to understand that things won’t change in a jiffy. There will be awkwardness and there can be many arguments related to the reason as to why your significant other strayed. Before getting back together you can consider taking a break. Do your own thing by attending personal growth sessions with a life coach, meet with a marriage counselor to discuss strategies on how to heal from all this. This is how they will learn to value you over anything else. This is the time to be selfish and think about yourself. Also take this much needed break from each other and try to eradicate the anxiety and fear of getting cheated on again. You need to trust your partner a 100% if you want to get back together. Getting paranoid while being away from them may cause suspicion about every little petty things and create havoc in your relationship and cause you unwanted mental stress.
As you begin to heal from the betrayal, make sure to not revisit the past by allowing negative thoughts to enter. If you feel they are polluting your mind, it means you haven’t healed and not ready to resume the relationship. If you are ready to move forward, you must set certain boundaries. The latter can be physical or emotional. If the cheating had been physical in nature, let them know that getting physically intimate again may take time. Be clear about why you feel the way you feel and why it may take time to allow intimacy to be back to a normal pace. Make them understand how you feel about it the process and why I can take time to heal. Assure them that you are working on your feelings and that you would eventually overcome the past. Setting such limits would avoid potential fights and misunderstandings. Clearing things out beforehand would only help you focus on the good aspects about your partner.
Reminisces your dates. Reckon all the things they did for you. Be positive about this relationship. Don’t overthink and don’t let second thoughts overpower your feelings. Be expressive of your feelings. Remember that your partner too is going through a phase of self guilt and remorse. Assure them that you love them and you two together will overcome this situation. Learn to allow trust to come back and focus on moving ahead. Be honest towards each other and avoid hiding anything. Transparency is key and allows them to check emails or phones or tablets and all communications with others to avoid bringing more suspicion. Go out on dates and do things that make the two of you happy. Enjoy your time together. When more things falls into place, the relationship can resume and grow stronger
What if they cheat again ?
A mistake of that sort repeated more than once is no longer a mistake but more of a choice or habit. If they cheat again after everything they have done to you, then once a cheater, always a cheater and this person isn’t worth given another chance. They chose to hurt you deliberately and it is more related to their own personal mental illness. They lack respect towards you will keep on disgracing the relationship. It is up to you to determine if it’s all worth it to go through the same process of healing but the choice is yours.
Most importantly, be true to yourself. Don’t make decisions that would lower your self worth. Don’t be the victim of unfaithfulness just for the sake of blinded love. You are a beautiful person and you deserve more. Time will change, things will fall in place. Do not let go of hope. Be willing for the pain today so you can guarantee peace and serenity in the future. Love yourself. Experience is never wasted; you will always learn one or more things all through your life. Be thankful for your experience and move on. Evidently, there is someone out there who will value you, cherish you and respect you for the rest of your life. So be patient and be willing to wait for the right one to come. Until then, stay safe, sane and happy when choosing your soul mate.
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