difficult relationship Tag

Knowing when its time to let go of your existing relationship. Some obvious signs that the end is soon approaching.

As a devoted marriage counselor, my purpose is to guide individuals in improving their romantic relationships and, in many cases, rescuing marriages teetering on the brink of divorce. Through my extensive experience, I have come to understand the multifaceted nature of healthy relationships. When couples seek my assistance, they often present their existing problems, seeking solutions—a natural expectation. However, I must prioritize the safety and well-being of all parties involved, and I cannot ignore instances of violence and abuse within a marriage.

If I were to attempt to salvage a marriage plagued by violence and abuse, I would be accepting the responsibility for potential dire consequences that the vulnerable spouse may face. As marriage counselors, our role is to provide options and alternatives to the challenges couples encounter, but we should not gauge our professional success solely by the number of marriages saved throughout our careers.

When couples come to me seeking guidance for their existing challenges, I refrain from asking the traditional question, “What brought you here today?” Instead, I shift the focus to the positive outcomes they hope to achieve during our session. By avoiding the former question, which opens the floodgates to all their problems, I create space for a more positive and productive conversation.

As counselors, it is our duty to help couples rediscover the initial reasons that brought them together—the joyful memories, the emotional and spiritual connections they experienced during their courtship. By allowing them to reconnect with the positive aspects of their relationship, rather than solely focusing on the overwhelming issues they currently face, we can foster peace of mind and enable effective communication between them. This approach does not imply avoiding discussions about their problems; rather, it encourages a different approach to addressing them.

It is undeniable that most people yearn for a long-term, committed partnership. However, the journey toward achieving this goal is often laden with challenges. Startling statistics reveal that around 50% of initial marriages end in divorce, while an even higher percentage of subsequent marriages—66% for second marriages and 73% for third marriages—ultimately meet the same fate. It is disheartening to witness so many relationships dissolve needlessly, especially when there is potential for restoration. The root cause of these failures often lies in the absence of a reliable guiding system and with that creates a very hostile environment for both couples and may be the sign to let go of what can be a very long lasting toxic relationship.

Here are some obvious signs to pay attention to when dealing with very difficult marriage.

1. Loss of Hope from Both Partners: Obviously, this should be the first one to write about.

When both partners have reached a point of surrendering hope, it becomes evident through the absence of any efforts to improve the relationship. The once warm connection has now grown cold and brittle. One or both individuals may be silently awaiting the opportune moment to exit, having resigned themselves to the belief that love is no longer attainable.

Determining the right time to leave is a deeply personal decision that no one else can truly dictate. As a counselor, when someone seeks my guidance, I conduct a comprehensive assessment, delving into the intricacies of their relationship. We explore the duration of their partnership, the presence of children, their previous attempts to seek help, and the aspirations each individual holds for their future. By thoroughly examining these factors, we can gain clarity and insight to navigate the best path forward.

2. Frequent Occurrence of Betrayals

When we mention betrayals, our minds typically gravitate toward instances of sexual infidelity within certain relationships. However, it’s important to recognize that betrayals can manifest in both emotional and sexual forms. When we find ourselves lacking a sense of security and unable to rely on our partner for both physical and emotional support, it might be a sign that it is time to consider exiting the relationship.

3. Redirecting Energies Outside the Relationship

As our commitment to a relationship wanes, we may gradually find ourselves investing our energies in other connections. Sharing our genuine emotions with close friends becomes more prevalent. Our focus shifts towards external sources, and we start giving to others what we have ceased to offer our partner. This redirection of attention can be a sign that the relationship is no longer receiving the necessary care and investment, prompting the need for introspection and potential reevaluation.

4. Leading Separate Lives

While the relationship may appear intact on the surface, the truth is that both you and your partner have started living separate lives. Your individual interests and pursuits have shifted elsewhere, leaving your life with your partner feeling like a mere hollow shell. This disconnect signifies a significant gap in emotional and relational connection, highlighting the need for honest introspection and potential actions to rebuild the bond or reassess the future of the relationship.

5. Transition from Love to Hostility

Frequently, couples express moments when intense emotions make them contemplate extreme thoughts toward their partner, even while acknowledging the presence of lingering love. Similarly, some individuals admit that the love they once shared has diminished, yet they still harbor a sense of concern and desire for the revival of affection. However, when love transforms into hate, it may indicate that the relationship requires serious consideration and possibly an end.

6. Seeking Distance from the Relationship

In circumstances where relationships have become consistently unhappy, individuals or their partners may actively seek ways to create distance. They may resort to working long hours or find excuses to avoid returning home. These behaviors can be indicative of underlying dissatisfaction within the relationship, and it may be necessary to address these issues in order to restore harmony and fulfillment.

7. The Dominance of Blame and Shame in the Relationship

Nurturing care and mutual respect are essential pillars of a healthy marriage. However, in troubled relationships, a destructive pattern emerges where one partner is constantly blamed, demeaned, and subjected to derogatory remarks. This toxic behavior undermines the foundation of the relationship and inhibits its potential for growth and happiness.

8. Detrimental Impact on Your Well-being

While all relationships can be sources of stress to some extent, chronic stress stemming from a relationship can have severe consequences on your health. It can lead to various ailments, ranging from breast cancer to heart problems. If the relationship you’re in is taking a toll on your physical and emotional well-being, it might be necessary to consider leaving it in order to prioritize your overall health.

9. Unfair Attribution of Blame

In any relationship, when difficulties arise, it is common for both individuals to contribute to the problem’s existence as well as its resolution. However, if one person consistently shifts all blame onto the other and holds them solely responsible for every issue that arises, it serves as a clear sign that the relationship is trapped in a detrimental pattern, hindering progress and growth.

Frequently, individuals seek my assistance when they recognize that their relationship is facing significant challenges. Often, one person contemplates leaving, while the other remains committed to preserving the partnership. Remarkably, even relationships that appear grim and devoid of hope have witnessed remarkable progress and restoration through my guidance.

It’s important to acknowledge that not all relationships can be salvaged, and some may need to conclude in order for both partners to find renewed freedom and forge ahead with their lives.

Lingering in a stagnant and unfulfilling relationship can inflict unimaginable pain, just as leaving a relationship carries its own unique set of emotional burdens. If you find yourself grappling with the decision of whether to stay or leave, I highly recommend seeking the support of a skilled marriage counselor who can offer valuable insights and facilitate a constructive exploration of your options.

Learn More

The How To’s in recognizing and dealing with narcissistic individuals. Sometimes, a battle you just can’t win.

First and foremost, recognizing a narcissistic person can be challenging task, as they often present themselves as charming and confident. Many will have obvious traits that are very hard to miss, while others, not too much. As they are amazing actors, it can become extremely difficult to determine if it’s narcissism or just a heightened ego. However, there are several signs to look out for that may indicate narcissistic behavior:

1. Lack of empathy: Narcissistic individuals often lack empathy and may disregard the feelings and needs of others.
2. Preoccupation with self: Narcissistic individuals may be obsessed with themselves, their appearance, or their achievements.
3. Sense of entitlement: Narcissistic individuals may have an exaggerated sense of entitlement and may believe that they are superior to others.
4. Need for admiration: Narcissistic individuals may crave attention and admiration from others and may seek out constant validation.
5. Difficulty handling criticism: Narcissistic individuals may become defensive or angry when faced with criticism or rejection.
6. Manipulative behavior: Narcissistic individuals may use manipulation and deceit to get what they want, including lying, gaslighting, or guilt-tripping others.
7. Grandiose self-image: Narcissistic individuals may have an inflated sense of self-importance and may exaggerate their achievements or talents.
8. Lack of accountability: Narcissistic individuals may refuse to take responsibility for their actions and may blame others for their problems.
9. Competitive behavior: Narcissistic individuals may be highly competitive and may become jealous or resentful when others achieve success.
10. Difficulty maintaining relationships: Narcissistic individuals may have trouble maintaining healthy relationships, as they may struggle with empathy, compromise, and communication.

Remember, not everyone who exhibits these behaviors is necessarily a narcissistic person, but if you notice a pattern of these traits in an individual, it may be a sign of narcissistic behavior.

Now, that you recognized the narcissist individual, you wouldn’t need to actual read that second part of the article as you would run on the opposite side and NEVER would want to deal with anyone exhibiting these traits. However, if you are a mentally ill adventurer looking to make your life extremely difficult by staying with that person, you need to know that dealing with a narcissistic person can be overly challenging, as they often lack empathy and have an exaggerated sense of self-importance. So to help you in your bizarre journey of wanting to change that narcissistic person into a tamed pet, here are some strategies you can use to deal with a narcissistic person without wanting to shoot yourself in the head with an AK-45

1. Recognize the signs: To deal with a narcissistic person, you must first recognize the signs of narcissism. These signs include a preoccupation with self, a need for admiration, a lack of empathy, and an inability to handle criticism.
2. Set boundaries: Setting boundaries is crucial when dealing with a narcissistic person. Be clear about what behaviors you will and will not tolerate, and stick to your boundaries.
3. Don’t take it personally: Narcissistic individuals often take advantage of others to boost their self-esteem. Don’t take their behavior personally, as it is a reflection of their own insecurities.
4. Stay calm: Narcissistic individuals can be very challenging to deal with, as they may become angry or defensive when confronted. Stay calm and avoid getting emotional when dealing with them.
5. Use “I” statements: When communicating with a narcissistic person, use “I” statements rather than “you” statements. This will help prevent them from becoming defensive and may help them understand how their behavior affects you.
6. Don’t try to change them: Trying to change a narcissistic person is often futile. Instead, focus on how you can cope with their behavior and protect yourself from their toxic influence.
7. Don’t enable their behavior: Enabling a narcissistic person only reinforces their sense of entitlement and can lead to further negative behavior. Instead, hold them accountable for their actions and don’t enable their negative behavior.
8. Seek support: Dealing with a narcissistic person can be emotionally draining. Seek support from friends, family, or a therapist who can help you cope with the stress and anxiety.
9. Keep a journal: Keeping a journal can help you process your emotions and keep track of any incidents or behaviors that are problematic. This can help you identify patterns of behavior and develop strategies to cope with them.
10. Take care of yourself: It’s essential to take care of yourself when dealing with a narcissistic person. Practice self-care activities like exercise, meditation, or spending time with supportive friends and family.

So here it is, both strategies offered all in one article. There is no easy feat when dealing with a narcissistic person, but it’s essential to protect yourself and establish healthy boundaries. Focus on what you can control, seek support, and don’t enable their behavior. If you are still adamant in wanting to move forward with this person hoping for long term bliss, I do personally wish you the best of luck in your journey with Lucifer.

Learn More