5 major indicators you’ve hit the jackpot when selecting your life long partner (mutually agreed)
Determining if the person you’ve been in a relationship with is a potential lifelong companion can be challenging, particularly when their level of commitment is uncertain. The positive aspect is that this brief yet ambiguous phase in a relatively new relationship allows you to discern your preferences in a partner without feeling compelled to conform to the individual you’re involved with.
To assist you in navigating this uncertainty, I’ll provide twelve indicators of someone who might evolve into an excellent life partner — along with some hints that they may share similar sentiments about you.
Here are key signs that the person you’ve selected as a lifelong partner might be a suitable match. It’s crucial for both individuals to be in sync regarding their feelings for each other; it should be a mutual connection. Attempting to impose your feelings on the other person could lead to a detrimental outcome for both parties. Unless you possess full-blown narcissism, you cannot manipulate someone into reciprocating your feelings. Now, let’s explore these indicators.
Important note: Due to the limited attention span of most readers, we have chosen to highlight what we consider to be the primary indicators for identifying a potential lifelong soul mate. The evaluation of what constitutes a happy and lasting relationship is inevitably influenced by the author’s expertise in relationship and psychotherapy. While there are certainly numerous indicators, the article has streamlined the focus to the most crucial ones for the sake of brevity.
1. The person you are with KNOWS how to communicate
In addressing relationship issues, they actively listen and choose open communication over the silent treatment. Transparency in interactions eliminates ambiguity, fostering a comfortable and open environment. This positive dynamic fuels the ongoing improvement of your connection. Trust what you observe, hear, and feel, and dispel any doubts.
2. Mastered body language and how to express themselves accordingly.Even when your partner is typically reserved, you can gauge their emotions by paying attention to their body language. A shared, subtle smile in a crowded bar, reaching out to hold hands in the car, or engaging in conversation while you cook together — these subtle actions speak volumes about their feelings. These unspoken gestures reveal a gradual realization: they are falling in love with you.
3. Building genuine connection with each other (not just intimate ones)
As you feel a connection, they also perceive it. Collaboratively, you’ve identified common interests, cultivating a distinctive and meaningful connection. Consequently, in each other’s company, you can comfortably showcase your unique and wonderful qualities. They accept you without judgment, and it’s clear that their affection for you is steadily growing.
4. Both are mastering emotional and physical intimacy.
The relationship brings immense joy for both, offering a delightful blend of fun and profound love. The partner’s remarkable sense of humor or carefree nature adds laughter and comfort. Their presence brightens each day, and every moment together, whether a romantic evening or mundane errands, becomes a source of joy and enjoyment. As the emotional bond deepens, physical intimacy intensifies, maintaining oxytocin levels at their peak.
5. Supporting each other in every possible way.
Whether both of you are pursuing careers or one is in a period of transition involving school, job changes, or promotions, they adeptly navigate the relationship and provide support during times when you can’t be together due to various responsibilities and commitments.
This content is intended solely for educational purposes, acknowledging that readers may hold varying perspectives or disagree with the distinction between major and minor indicators. Recognizing the inherent subjectivity in individual perceptions is entirely acceptable. Nonetheless, through research and discussions with clients on the mentioned topic, a majority expressed similar views on what they consider significant in finding the right person.
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When something becomes damaged, repair it instead of opting for a replacement. The same principle applies to relationships and marriages. Continue reading to find guidance on preserving your partnership if you’re genuinely dedicated to its success
In modern society, there’s a prevailing tendency to replace things when they break instead of engaging in creative problem-solving to fix them. In some cases, even when items work perfectly fine, there’s a strong inclination to seek replacements, a phenomenon particularly evident with cell phones. Just observe the scene outside an Apple store the night before a new iPhone launch, and you’ll witness people camping out to be the first to purchase a $2,000 iPhone, discarding their fully functional phones, all for the added features of the new model. This mindset can be quite perplexing because the existing phone can offer long-term benefits, including the absence of monthly payments.
A similar pattern emerges in relationships and marriages. We invest time and effort into building something with our partners, but when disagreements arise, and our visions don’t align, the impulse to break free and seek a replacement often takes hold. We long for novelty when the old seems less stimulating. It’s vital to remember that, like inanimate objects, we also age and change over time, and others may perceive us in the same way we perceive them. While the passage of time naturally affects us, when we commit to navigating life’s journey as a team, we should honor our promises and do everything within our capacity to preserve our relationships and marriages, provided there is no physical or mental abuse, and surmount the challenges that lie ahead of us.
Think back to the early stages of your relationship when your partner’s affection seemed boundless. They would call incessantly, have lengthy conversations, and talk with you late into the night.
As time has passed, that initial excitement has waned, and you no longer experience those fluttering butterflies in your stomach when you think of your loved one. The once-present spark has dimmed. While your romantic feelings endure, you begin to perceive that your partner may not care about the relationship as much as they once did. It feels like the balance of power has shifted, and you no longer hold the upper hand.
This shift is entirely normal and can evoke feelings of anxiety and sadness. In response, you might find yourself tempted to employ various psychological tactics to regain control within your relationship.
Engaging in power games within a relationship, whether to secure or reestablish control, is a surefire way to undermine the relationship’s stability. While some relationships naturally have imbalances in power, these situations are often unhealthy. Unhealthy dynamics can manifest in physically or verbally abusive relationships, those involving infidelity, or where one partner possesses significantly more non-shared assets. These scenarios typically lead to relationship failure, heartbreak, and overall unhappiness.
If you sense your partner is growing distant, the solution isn’t to try and manipulate the power dynamics in your relationship. Power struggles won’t provide the fulfillment you truly desire. What you genuinely seek is love, not dominance. Your desire is for love to be mutual, for expressions of appreciation, admiration, respect, and affection. Negative feelings about your relationship often arise from perceiving a deficiency in these aspects.
So, how can you rekindle these qualities? What actions can you take to regain your partner’s love?
- Establish clear boundaries
Communicate openly with your partner about the behaviors you find acceptable and those you do not. Avoid doing this during an argument or when consuming alcohol. However, if your partner engages in behavior or makes hurtful comments that you find unacceptable and you’re not in the midst of a dispute or under the influence of alcohol, kindly address the issue and express that you prefer not to encounter it again.
Maintain a calm tone and speak softly. If your partner tends to become aggressive or hurtful when drinking, indicating a significant issue that requires attention, you can play a role in resolving it. But avoid addressing your concerns while your partner is drinking and behaving rudely. Wait until they are sober and composed, then discuss your concerns as calmly as possible.
2. Acknowledge your partner’s wants and desires
To complement the first strategy outlined in this article, which is about setting clear boundaries, it’s also crucial to consider and respect our partner’s desires and wishes. It’s clear that not all desires can or should be accommodated. For example, if your partner expresses a desire for a new vehicle, but you’ve recently lost your job, it’s acceptable not to fulfill their wish due to your limited financial resources. Refusing to grant their request for a new vehicle should not be misconstrued as a lack of respect for their specific desires. It’s essential to first ensure that the vehicle they currently have is safe and, if there are any mechanical issues, address and extend the vehicle’s life.
Respect is the cornerstone of any successful relationship. When respect is compromised, the relationship becomes fragile. Demonstrating respect for your partner involves redirecting your focus from the negative aspects of your relationship to emphasizing the positive elements. Be generous with compliments and display caring behavior.
3. Don’t go overboard with the courtship.
This phenomenon known as “love-bombing” involves overwhelming your loved one with excessive adoration and extreme co-dependency. However, by overindulging in this behavior, you might make your partner feel excessively clingy, leading them to create distance in the relationship. If you feel a loss of control in your relationship, it’s essential to recognize that your excessive eagerness to be with your significant other or to rush the relationship’s progress could be a contributing factor. It’s crucial to understand that rushing things isn’t advisable, and your relationship should ideally complement, not consume, your life. Devote more time to your other interests, whether they be sports, hobbies, academics, or work. Grant your partner the space they need. The more you allow room to breathe, the more likely they’ll be drawn to you and eager to spend time together. This approach tends to benefit everyone involved.
4. Avoid engaging in manipulative behavior
Creating healthy space between you and your partner, as mentioned in the previous point, is not about playing games or manipulating the situation. In all aspects of life, including relationships and marriages, achieving balance is essential. Avoiding one extreme in favor of the other is crucial. It’s not about completely isolating yourself from your partner, which can trigger deep-seated abandonment insecurities.
Deliberately ignoring your partner or displaying cold and distant behavior as part of a game is a form of manipulation. Although such tactics might briefly grab your partner’s attention, they are not sustainable for a healthy, long-term relationship. Consistently behaving rudely, being mean, giving your partner the silent treatment, or appearing distant will eventually erode your partner’s interest in you.
5. Don’t let your past mistakes come and bite you in present time
If you’ve been unfaithful to your partner, you should not seek to gain an advantage or control the relationship. Instead, you need to genuinely express your remorse and acknowledge that your partner may no longer trust or love you in the same way.
In this situation, the only course of action (assuming you’ve ended the affair and sincerely conveyed your regrets to your partner) is to demonstrate your love and commitment every single day. Provided you remain faithful and are still with your partner, it’s likely that over time, their love and trust will gradually return to normal.
It’s a reality that no relationship or marriage is flawless, which is why 50% of first marriages ultimately end in divorce. The odds are even less favorable for second or third marriages, with a higher risk of divorce. Personally, this logic might not seem sound. After the failure of our first marriage, we strive to learn from our mistakes and avoid repeating them. However, dealing with a completely different person introduces a new set of challenges. It’s essential to adapt, communicate effectively with our significant other (S.O), and collaborate on overcoming these challenges as a united team. Rather than viewing the challenges as adversaries, consider yourselves allies. Concentrate on what’s right, find ways to address what’s wrong, and move forward. This is the essence of successful relationships.
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Taking self-criticism to the extreme: Strategies on how to exit this loop of negative self-thinking
Most psychologists would agree with this statement: “We are our own worst self-critic”. Thich Nhat Hanh shared a beautiful quote: “To be beautiful means to be yourself. You don’t need to be accepted by others. You need to accept yourself”
This quote highlights the significance of setting high standards and pursuing personal growth by accepting oneself without relying on validation from others. However, it cautions against self-imposed expectations that result in self-criticism and negative self-talk. It emphasizes how many individuals carry regrets and unfulfilled aspirations due to feelings of un-worthiness or un-deservingness.
Our internal dialogue often tends to be more critical compared to how we communicate with others. This pattern of negative self-talk can be incredibly damaging, often more than we realize. The issue lies in the fact that we have become so accustomed to this negative inner dialogue that we are not even conscious of it. Despite our lack of awareness, our mental and physical well-being are still affected by this harmful self-talk.
The aim of avoiding self-criticism is to learn to value oneself based on personal beliefs rather than seeking external validation. Breaking free from a shame-based self-image and the need for self-criticism and hateful self-talk becomes crucial in order to avoid falling into depression, which can hinder progress and success. There are several strategies for silencing the inner critic and breaking free from this cycle of detrimental thoughts that restrict belief in one’s own potential for success. The ultimate goal is to develop self-approval, self-love, positive relationships, and a sense of self-worth.
Strategy 1: What are your authentic wants and desires? What activities, passions, goals, needs, and wishes truly resonate with you? Take the time to identify and make a list of these, and honestly evaluate whether pursuing them would genuinely bring you a sense of fulfillment and joy.
Strategy 2: Practice mindfulness by observing your actions, reactions, and how others respond to you without passing judgment. Embrace self-acceptance and refrain from labeling yourself negatively. Deliberately cultivate positive emotions to break free from the habit of labeling yourself based on feelings of shame.
Strategy 3: Reduce self-criticism by acknowledging that making mistakes is a normal part of being human and doesn’t diminish your worth or intelligence. Develop a more objective perspective on your abilities and actions through self-compassion. Actively nurture positive emotions and gradually increase self-approval.
Strategy 4: Pay attention to your internal dialogue and be mindful of the language you use, as language holds significant power. Your internal dialogue is a reflection of your beliefs about reality. Monitor and consciously observe how you speak to yourself because your mind is receptive. If you wish to change your emotional state, simply reframe your thoughts and say, “I won’t allow these feeling of negative self-talk” or “I choose to only accept positive affirmation to enter my mind.” By doing so, you empower yourself to take control of your emotions.
Strategy 5: involve identifying your disappointments by understanding where they come from, examining the expectations that have led to those disappointments (whether self-imposed or from others), and evaluating if those expectations are truly valid. (obviously the image listed above is just a sarcastic narrative to what severe disappointment may mean to some people)
There is no magic solution to completely reverse the feelings of self-criticism and ongoing self-inflicted torment we subject ourselves to. Through constant comparisons with others on social media, we intensify this process, leading to heightened levels of anxiety and depression. We consciously allow this to happen, and we cannot blame anyone else but ourselves for permitting it. While it is true that some individuals have to deal with negative and toxic coworkers or family members who constantly belittle them, most of the time we inflict these hardships upon ourselves. It is important to initiate changes today to prevent long-term mental harm that can hinder our success and undermine our well-being.
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Strategic ways to make your marriage divorce proof. Hang on, it should be a wild ride.
Our older generation became experts when it comes to relationships, marriages and learning way to fix problems instead of just replacing them. The newer generation isn’t playing the field with the same mindset. If you look at the new Iphone releases where you see thousands of people camping outside the local Apple store to get their hands on an Iphone that doesn’t offer any incredible new features compared to their older model that works PERFECTLY fine, but yet, they feel it needs replacement. A couple of thousand dollars later, they are not changing much of their usage level compared to their older model. Nevertheless, the trend is here to stay until the new generation really understands the sanctity of marriage and the importance on working together to guarantee a divorce-proof union.
So here are some ways that smart people use to guarantee a long term and happy marriage with their significant other.
1. They have similar goals and work together to make those goals a reality.
The first thing you should ask your spouse is, “What do you aspire to create in your life? Or “Where do you see our life in 10 years from now? What are the dreams you want to achieve as 2, instead of one?
It’s vital that your hopes and expectations align, otherwise misery may take over your relationship. Basically, when your expectations do not match your vision, you will feel resentment for each other, especially if one of the spouse have to let go of their dream to make the other’s come true. Every one has an equal right to pursue their goals and stay inspired by their pursuit of happiness. This is where most couples fails at and ends up with lots of toxicity and very expensive divorce. That cannot be sustained in the long run. When communicating with each other, try discussing these points prior to getting married, as doing it after can be counter-intuitive. When doing so, keep the following points in mind: Where would you both want to live? Are you more into renting or owning a home? If owning, the size of the house will depend on the size of your family, so how big would you want that? About careers, what are the expectations from one to the other? If someone is more into starting a business, will the other one pick up the slack with their steady salary during the first few years of the business to pay for all the bills until the business generates revenue? If you are an adventurer, are you more into exploring the rest of the world or staying put? Make sure to take time to answer these questions prior to walking down the aisle and signing the marriage certificate. It is always easier to get married than getting divorced.
2. Family dynamics and responsibilities towards the extended members of the clan — and getting along with the latter
Family relationships are sometimes a highly sensitive and emotional issue, so it’s vital to be on the same page as your spouse in this regard. Some cultures are more inclined to keeping the family close by, even after marriage. Italians, Greeks, Latinos and many more feel that their close knit family mindset is to go on even when trying to build a family on their own. It is not uncommon that some with extended family will meet every weekend for a large gathering while eating delicious foods and play all afternoon at the park. Depending on who you decided to tie the knot with, they may not perceive this weekend gathering as something they want to partake in.
In the minute chance that they are inclined in wanting to be there and enjoy family time with your extended clan, then you are in luck and should cherish it.
Another major issue that can create tension is when one of the spouses is a caretaker for one or both of their parents and uses lots of their income to pay for their medical bills, which leaves almost nothing left to pay for their own bills or afford much of anything. This in itself can cause lots of strife and resentment between the couples. It can be very difficult to separate yourself from this situation as you committed yourself to her, which indirectly committed to members of her family.
3. Fitness is and should be each others number 1 priority — and align with actions and behavior
Your views toward health and fitness, as well as any present health difficulties, are all vital elements to consider in any prospective marriage. This is far too crucial to be unauthentic or to omit to give any facts or family history you may already be aware of. However, aside from your basic health, you must also have your beliefs aligned related to fitness and overall activity levels. How important is eating healthy and fitness regimen? If you’re a practicing vegan and a gym junkie, you’re likely to clash with a spouse who is only a couch potato and junk food junkie. Always remember that couples who work-out together, stay together.
Here is one important question to consider: Is it vital to you to have a regular fitness routine with your spouse, or would you prefer a workout between you and your Bluetooth earbuds? Is your spouse in the same activity level as you or the difference of weight between you both are in the couple hundred pounds?
What is more upsetting to you: missing out on your favorite Netflix series or not getting in a workout?
Is your fitness routine a crucial point to make your relationship thrive? Can weight gain completely obliterate your sex life and in of your spouse? Will losing attraction towards them bend you forward towards cheating on that person?
4. Money conscious: Who is the spender and who is the frugal?
Money is claimed to be the number one stressor in relationships, and nothing brings out more tension, stress, and animosity than two individuals on completely different financial pages. If you’re a saver and your spouse has maxed up credit cards, it’s a deal breaker no matter how much you love your partner. Don’t fool yourself. It is more apparent that the new generation is doing background investigation on the ones they date prior to engagement to figure out their credit score, or they debt to income ratio to make sure this person is a viable mate. It is not uncommon to see more and more people going into relationship and looking for sugar daddies or mommies to take them out of their financial ruins. No one is responsible to do that except yourself. Putting this responsibility into someone else isn’t fair for that person and should start looking at better options.
Make sure to set up a financial plan for both of you to agree upon short, mid and long terms. Have some bank accounts separate and some in common. Save equally for bigger purchases (home, cars, and whatever) but each should have their own spending account so they don’t need to depend on the other to get a manicure or go fishing with friends. Financial literacy should be taught in every school across the nation so we can avoid these future pitfalls in relationship.
5. Sanctity of marriage: How to avoid falling for temptation and end up regretting it.
What importance do you place on having the same values and expectations when it comes to monogamy and infidelity? Can the latter cause so much strife between couple that the marriage will imminently end up in divorce? In some cases, divorce is NOT the best solution.
It can be a hard pill to swallow to accept the prospect of having only one partner for the rest of their lives as it may sound like a life sentence with no possibility of parole.
For some, it is the most straightforward deal-breaker on the planet. The thought of waking up with the same person day in and day out can be suicidal at best. Hence, the reason why many are just not meant to be or stay married.
So what happens if these two get married? Is open marriage an option to keep the relationship sizzling for longer period of time? Is swinging another possible option (as long as you both stay safe) to keep the marriage healthy? Communication is key and it is crucial that all this is being discussed before appearing in circuit court and pronouncing: “I do” to each other.
6. Building a family: What are each other expectations?
There are many undiscussed expectations when it comes to the size of family either spouse wants. If one of the spouse is born in a large family with many siblings, chances are that they would want to get as close as they can with the numbers they had when growing up. On the other hand, the other spouse may have had no siblings, and living this way was perfectly fine when growing up. It is crucial to discuss these expectations to avoid disappointment. It is also crucial that if you do have a large family in mind when it comes to the near future, it is also important to consider the finances related to a large clan. Make sure to consider that your spouse can’t take the full burden to financially provide for everyone. A heart to heart discussion is a must to avoid these kinds of disappointments.
There are a lot more questions to ask if you go further. What is your timetable for having children?
Do you want to start trying right away, or do you want to wait until later?
What type of disciplinarian do you consider yourself to be? Are you a rigid, no-nonsense person, or are you more laid-back and adaptable?
What about public verses private schools?
As you can see, there are several critical elements that necessitate mutually agreed-upon judgments in just this one area.
7. What are your religious beliefs to implement in the household. If two different religion due to different upbringing, which religion will be the dominant one?
It literally comes down to who you think is the one that practice the most its religion.
In other words, how important is spirituality or faith to you?
Do you consider yourself a devoted religious person or an atheist?
Do you have any holiday customs or religious rituals?
What are your thoughts on which religion will the kids follow? The mother or the father?
Would you send your children to Sunday religious schools or sports?
Even if you first believe you’re on the same page, keep in mind that people’s ideas tend to fluctuate and evolve over the course of a lifetime. In some cases, if one of the spouse never followed any religion, it is more likely for them to be more lenient when it comes to which religion the household will follow.
Essentially, if you don’t address these difficulties, you won’t have a chance of long-term success.
There is much to discuss and resolve before you can properly settle down and built a long term and happy marriage. Even though this checklist is based on my knowledge and extensive clinical research, please bear in mind that there is no one answer fits all scenarios. There are multiple complexities and variations when it comes to deciding which spouse would be the best fit among the billion others out there, so it is imperative that you choose wisely. Falling in love at first sight is great, but staying in love for life will keep your eyesight out of divorce court.
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