marriage Tag

5 Ways to Improve Significantly in Bringing happiness to Your Partner (being selfless is key to a long lasting relationship)

Prioritizing your romantic partner’s happiness reflects the selflessness inherent in enduring love. When both partners actively seek each other’s joy, a bond beyond the ordinary emerges. This selflessness not only nurtures a harmonious relationship but also establishes the groundwork for a profound, meaningful connection. Consistently striving to bring happiness to your partner contributes to a beautiful reciprocity, making love truly fulfilling and everlasting. It’s essential to prioritize diligently working towards your significant other’s happiness. While individual happiness stems from within, sustaining it is possible when partners support each other without hindering personal goals, fostering long-term joy.

Before delving into strategies for enhancing your partner’s happiness, allow me to offer some insights that bring greater clarity to understanding the successes and challenges that many relationships encounter throughout a lifetime.

1. Sustaining Connection: Regularly making your partner happy fosters a deeper emotional connection. It’s a reminder of the joy you bring to each other’s lives, creating a strong bond that withstands challenges.
2. Building Trust: The effort to make your partner happy demonstrates commitment and reliability. This consistency builds trust, a foundational element for any enduring relationship.
3. Promoting Well-being: Happiness is linked to overall well-being. When both partners actively contribute to each other’s joy, it positively impacts mental and emotional health, creating a supportive and thriving environment.
4. Enhancing Intimacy: Acts of kindness and efforts to bring joy contribute to a sense of intimacy. Sharing moments of happiness strengthens the emotional and physical connection between partners.
5. Navigating Challenges: When a relationship faces challenges, the reservoir of shared joy becomes a source of resilience. It acts as a buffer, helping couples navigate difficulties with a foundation of positive experiences.
6. Creating Lasting Memories: Happy moments create lasting memories. In the long term, these memories become the fabric of the relationship, weaving a narrative of shared experiences and a life well-lived together.
7. Fostering Reciprocity: The act of making your partner happy often leads to a reciprocal cycle. As both partners invest in each other’s joy, it creates a positive feedback loop, deepening the emotional connection over time.

So here are some strategies to contribute to your partner’s happiness.

1. Make things easier for them:

Simplify the load for your significant other during stressful times. Offer support, listen attentively, and find practical ways to ease their burden. Your understanding and assistance can make a meaningful difference in navigating challenging moments together.

2. Express their value in the relationship

Consistently communicate the value and importance of your significant other in the relationship. Expressing appreciation and acknowledging their presence reinforces the foundation of love, fostering a strong and enduring connection.

3. Learn to listen and empathize more than talking and blaming

Sometimes, we half-listen, thinking about what to say next or unrelated things. That’s not real listening.

Men and women often want different things from listening. Women want understanding, acknowledgment, and empathy. Men usually want to speak, be heard, and solve problems. However, trying to “fix” things for women may not always help, and women, while empathetic, might not always offer solutions. True listening involves understanding these differences and respecting what each person needs.

4. Use more humor to de-escalate conflict

Were you aware that a simple smile can temporarily boost someone’s emotional well-being? Moreover, eliciting laughter not only strengthens the emotional bond between individuals but also serves as a powerful reminder to someone facing challenges that happiness still exists in the world, even if it feels elusive at the moment.

The crucial aspect is discovering what brings joy to your partner. When we’re emotionally challenged, it’s often difficult to tap into what we find amusing. Hence, observe and remember what makes your partner laugh during happier times, recognizing that humor varies from person to person.

5. Be emotionally supportive.

Consistently offering emotional support to your partner is crucial for fostering a deep connection and increasing their overall happiness. This support acts as a source of comfort during both joys and challenges, creating a stable and secure foundation for the relationship. It reduces stress, encourages open communication, and builds trust, contributing to your partner’s emotional well-being. By providing unwavering support, you boost their self-esteem, enhance resilience, and promote a positive environment within the relationship. This emotional support is integral to the overall satisfaction and fulfillment of both partners, nurturing a thriving and harmonious connection.

Being selfless doesn’t imply compromising your own well-being; rather, it involves striking a balance where both partners actively contribute to each other’s happiness in a healthy and supportive manner. Shift your perspective towards being a positive influence on your significant other’s happiness. Sharing happiness with your partner, your ally in life, not only contributes to their joy but also increases the likelihood of a happier life for both of you. Remember, Happy Spouse=Happy House.

Dating challenges of the 21st century. What to avoid at all cost when going back into the dating scene.

We understand that dating can be challenging, and many people might opt to remain in a toxic relationship rather than venture back into the world of dating apps, which can often be riddled with scams and disappointments. Unfortunately, for many, these apps are the primary option available at their fingertips, both literally and figuratively.

Imagine you do come across someone who piques your interest, and you engage in a healthy conversation, avoiding the exchange of intimate details within the first few lines of dialogue. At this point, you might decide it’s time to meet in person to reduce the risks of falling victim to catfishing or falling for a Tinder scam. To enhance safety measures, some individuals opt to initiate interactions through Zoom calls, a practice that became common during the pandemic. Some even continue to use Zoom features to identify fake pictures or profiles, which have been plaguing the online dating community.

Now, let’s discuss some common first-date faux-pas. While there are many, we’ll focus on the most significant ones. You might refer to them as deal-breakers or red flags, as they essentially serve the same purpose. Our aim is to provide you with additional insights to help you navigate the challenges of meeting someone for your first date.

1. Being self centered

Certainly, you don’t want your first meeting to feel like a formal job interview, but it’s crucial to foster a two-way conversation by inquiring about the other person. Part of the courtship process involves getting to know one another. Focusing solely on your own narrative is an initial sign of self-centeredness.

If you find yourself monologuing, consider taking a brief break, sipping some water, and directing questions toward your date. This allows them to take the stage for a while, giving you a chance to gather new thoughts or topics to discuss later in the evening. Achieving a balanced and equitable exchange of communication is pivotal for ensuring a second date.

2. Revealing too much of it, too quickly

This ties into the initial dating blunder. So, if you find yourself talking about yourself without allowing the other person to chime in and end up disclosing too much personal information. I understand that excessive talking might stem from nervousness and the need to keep your mind occupied, but it’s crucial not to overshare.

While it’s vital to feel comfortable on your date, it’s crucial to recognize the appropriate timing and context for sharing highly personal information. Revealing excessive details, even if they aren’t particularly sensitive, can considerably dampen the mood. Similarly, discussing too much about your past relationship can raise more eyebrows than someone receiving a substantial dose of botox. It’s advisable to refrain from oversharing within the initial five dates or whenever intimacy becomes a central focus.

3. Lying about something big

Conversely, there’s the extreme of not just oversharing but outright fabricating a crucial aspect of your life, such as having children. Once you’re caught in a lie during your initial date, there’s usually no turning back.

Suppressing significant aspects of your past to circumvent potential rejection might provide temporary relief, but the truth usually surfaces eventually. When it does, the consequences can be even more challenging to handle than being forthright from the start. Having children should be considered an honor and a privilege, especially when many couples face difficulties conceiving.

So, why not be upfront about having kids? If someone rejects you due to that fact, it’s better to know right away than to engage in deception and concealment for an extended period. Don’t waste time and instead, move forward.

4. Avoid being selfish

Revealing this side of your personality is undoubtedly not a positive beginning. Hoarding food or wine during a special dinner will only create more distance and diminish your prospects of securing a second date. Selfishness is a quality that most people find unappealing. It’s essential to learn to share and be selfless when getting to know someone. Before diving into the dating scene, work on improving yourself.

Opting to split the bill on a first date is likely to reduce your chances of a second date. If you’re not financially prepared to treat someone, consider planning a very casual first date, like going for a walk or meeting for coffee. Don’t attempt to impress someone with an expensive meal. The last thing you want is to feel anxious when the final bill arrives.

5. Being clingy

At times, it’s the post-date behavior that can completely ruin the experience. It might be your first time hanging out, but somehow, some individuals have encountered what can only be described as “stage 5 clingers.”

Some have shared their past experiences during some of their therapy session with me and expressed how tough it was shaking the guy off after a couple of dates. She shared how quick he was to talk about moving in together, and how it can terribly affect him if she decides to date other people. He also exchange numerous about of texts with love bombing with words of affirmation. He was acting irrationally!”

Exercise caution when approaching your date to avoid slipping into the realm of desperate “Stage 5 clingers.” Whether you’re a man or a woman, coming across as overly clingy can be unattractive to the person on the receiving end of such behavior. If it escalates beyond “Stage 5,” it can lead to being perceived as a stalker, a label you surely wish to avoid. Occasionally, maintaining a bit of distance can be a sign of respect for the other person, and it often encourages them to take the initiative for the next date. Keep your composure and savor the journey.

Exploring the upsides and downsides of excessive romantic dependence in new or existing relationship

Examining the advantages and disadvantages of being overly emotionally attached in a romantic relationship. We’ll delve into the positives and negatives and provide insights on when it’s wise to approach situations involving clinginess in a relationship

“Being too demanding romantically” often carries a negative meaning, especially in relationships, where it can imply seeking constant reassurance and being off-putting. This behavior might involve excessive checking in, wanting constant validation, or even frequent physical closeness. However, having emotional needs and a desire for connection is healthy in relationships, as human nature thrives on companionship. Throughout history, relationships were essential for survival, and today they contribute significantly to overall well-being and emotional health. Medical research highlights the dangers of loneliness and emphasizes the positive effects of touch on blood pressure and hormones, which boost immunity. Needing people is not only normal but also beneficial, despite misconceptions. The key lies in finding a partner whose needs align with yours.

Ensuring Your Needs are Fulfilled

It’s important to have your needs met, and finding a partner who can fulfill them is ideal. Needs vary widely—some desire physical closeness, while others prefer regular check-ins or space. In the modern era, diverse gender expressions and relationship dynamics prevail, making a ‘one size fits all’ approach obsolete. Nevertheless, understanding your specific needs and their origins is crucial for having them satisfied

Understanding Yourself and Finding the Right Partner

In my role as a matchmaker serving clients in the Washington DC metro and Tampa Bay areas through Lightning Speed Matchmaker, I give special emphasis to the significance of self-awareness. This involves a keen understanding of your love languages and attachment style, which can encompass secure, avoidant, or anxious traits, sometimes a combination of all three. Having a profound grasp of these facets is crucial. If you lack insight into your needs, their roots, or any links to past wounds, effective communication and handling become difficult. Equally vital is the pursuit of a partner who is truly compatible with you.It’s crucial to be with someone who values being needed. An emotionally distant person might misinterpret attempts at connection as neediness. If you seek a deeper relationship and desire more than convenience or their terms, someone who offers connection selectively isn’t the right match.

Distinguishing Between Healthy and Unhealthy Emotional Needs

Emotional needs resemble a buffet, ranging from simple and reasonable to potentially excessive or unrealistic. Expressing needs in a considerate manner is vital. For instance, desiring to see someone once a week in the same city is reasonable, but wanting daily meetings with someone far away and busy isn’t. Effective communication matters too; instead of reacting negatively when someone doesn’t reply promptly due to work, asking for a suitable time to connect is more constructive.
Expressing needs thoughtfully versus demandingly makes a significant difference. Needy labels often stem from poor communication rather than uncontrollable needs. Matchmaker Bonnie Winston ensures her clients meet with therapists to foster emotional well-being and understand their needs. This process can unveil insights into attachment styles and unresolved emotional issues.
Past hurts can influence current relationships, but acknowledging these emotions without shame is crucial. Exploring emotional roots with a therapist can unveil trust, abandonment, or codependency issues, which might lead to unrealistic expectations.

Ensure Your Expectations are Realistic and Healthy in Relationships

It’s crucial to maintain reasonable and healthy expectations in your relationships. People have varying needs for attention, affection, and time together, so being mindful of these differences is essential. Needy behavior isn’t limited to emotional demands; it also involves how much you ask your partner to do for you, like helping with tasks or always planning dates. It’s vital to assess the balance between what you give and receive in a relationship, as healthy relationships involve mutual give and take.

Effective Communication in Relationships

After some time has passed in a relationship, it’s healthy to communicate your needs calmly and without confrontation. Instead of texting complaints like “I hate it when you never text me back right away,” consider having a phone call or an in-person conversation, saying something like, “I’m enjoying our time together, but sometimes I feel a bit anxious when I don’t hear from you all day. How do you approach texting?” This approach allows you to understand their communication preferences, such as checking their phone during specific hours or preferring phone calls. It’s important to remember that other people’s behavior often has reasons unrelated to you.

Prioritize Self-Care in Relationships

In addition to nurturing your relationship, remember to focus on your personal growth and well-being. Invest time in your own interests, hobbies, and friendships to enrich your life independently. If you’re struggling with emotional challenges like anxiety or frustration, consider seeking therapy to address any past traumas or attachment insecurities.
It’s important to be emotionally self-sufficient and not rely on one person to meet all your needs. Your happiness should come from within, and no one else can make you truly happy. While it’s easy to lose sight of your own value in the early stages of a relationship, always remember that no one is worth sacrificing your self-worth for. You shouldn’t have to beg or chase anyone for attention, affection, or time. Healthy relationships involve partners who show their commitment by consistently considering your feelings and making an effort to make you happy. If your significant other or friends fail to meet these expectations despite clear communication, it may be necessary to move on.

Dealing with clinginess

When you find yourself in a situation where the person you’re dating appears to have more intense emotional needs than you do, it’s essential to have an open and honest conversation. For example, if your partner seems to come on too strongly or asks for a lot, it’s best to calmly communicate your thoughts and concerns.
When communication is transparent without making the other person feel unvalued or ignored, there should be no need to argue over the amount of time required to satisfy the needy partner. The focus should be on the quality of time rather than the quantity. If there is reluctance to your request, it’s crucial to be firm yet affectionate and considerate.

Sharing your needs with your partner provides reassurance and reduces the chances of them demanding more than you can provide. It may lead to the realization that you’re not compatible, but this is a step closer to finding compatibility elsewhere.

The many personality traits of a man that can attract any woman out there: Self-confidence is certainly one of them

Dating can be challenging in our times due to a number of factors. One reason is that technology and social media have made it easier to connect with people, but also created a sense of endless options and superficial interactions, making it difficult to establish genuine connections. High expectations and fear of vulnerability can also make it difficult to find a meaningful connection. Additionally, many people have busy lifestyles that make it challenging to invest time and energy in dating. Cultural differences can also create challenges in terms of communication, values, and expectations. These factors combine to make dating in today’s world more complex and challenging than it may have been in the past.

It’s important to note that everyone has different preferences when it comes to attraction and what they look for in a partner. However, there are some common personality traits that many women find attractive in men:

1. Self- Confidence: Confidence is an attractive trait in both men and women. A man who is confident in himself and his abilities can be very appealing to women.
2. Kindness: Women often appreciate men who are kind, caring, and considerate. Being compassionate and empathetic can also be very attractive traits.
3. Sense of humor: A good sense of humor can go a long way in attracting women. Being able to make her laugh and have a good time can create a strong connection.
4. Intelligence: Intelligence is an attractive trait for many women. Being able to hold a conversation, express thoughts and ideas, and demonstrate knowledge and curiosity can be very appealing.
5. Ambition: Many women are attracted to men who are ambitious and have goals and aspirations. Having a sense of purpose and drive can be very attractive.
6. Dress Stylishly:
   People have different preferences when it comes to attraction, so it’s important to choose a personal style that makes you feel confident. Not everyone is going to be attracted to the same thing, so it’s important to own your look and be comfortable in your own skin. For example, if you enjoy outdoor activities like skiing, embrace your lumberjack style and keep it up-to-date. Alternatively, if you have a bohemian style, make sure you keep your clothes clean, smell great, and stay true to your own personal taste. Ultimately, presenting yourself well means being confident in your own style and owning it.

7. Being Intentional: Taking the time to cultivate a healthy relationship can significantly shift your dating dynamics. When a woman senses that you’re not in a rush to jump into a relationship, she’s likely to respect and admire your approach, and be even more drawn to you.

However, this doesn’t mean you should adopt a “player” mentality and act uninterested or aloof. Instead, it’s about showing a willingness to invest time and effort into building something meaningful and mutually beneficial. By doing so, you demonstrate leadership qualities that many women find attractive in a man.

8. Good values: A man who lacks goals lacks direction and a man who lacks values lacks self-discipline. When a woman feels like she has to do the heavy lifting in terms of figuring out who you are, she may start to lose attraction.

It’s important to have a clear sense of self and direction before jumping into a healthy relationship. It’s not fair to expect someone else to do the work of figuring out who you are and what you want out of life. Taking the time to develop your own goals and values can make you a more attractive partner in the long run.

9. Being truthful and honest:
Displaying unapologetic honesty demonstrates confidence and dignity, which can be attractive to women. It also indicates that you have your own thoughts and opinions, rather than simply trying to impress or please her.

While it’s important to be respectful, it’s also important to challenge her in a constructive way. By doing so, you demonstrate a strong sense of pride and self-awareness. When you communicate openly and honestly, it helps to establish an emotional connection with a woman, which can be a key factor in building a successful relationship.

It’s crucial for men to focus on self-improvement for the sake of becoming the best version of themselves, rather than solely to please others or make themselves more attractive. Consistency is key when it comes to your actions and behaviors, and if you’re only putting on a show to impress someone, it won’t be sustainable in the long run. Instead, work on yourself and strive to be the best person you can be for your own sake.

7 expectations wives have towards their husbands to keep them happy, day in and day out.

Males are more concerned with passion and enjoyment in a relationship/marriage than their counterparts. In general, women are more emotional in relationships, whereas men are more concerned with keeping things light and entertaining. While passion is necessary to maintain a relationship, males are more emotionally affected by its absence. Sometimes, communication is broken and none of the spouse are willing to express themselves accordingly, and if they do, the other spouse tend to shut down and avoid conflict. It is not uncommon to have ONE of the two parties to wanting to discuss the challenges in the marriage, while the other will always think everything is going smoothly. The flight or flee attitude kicks in and without addressing the situation properly, the marriage can face worst problems long terms.

Understanding your spouse’s needs and how to meet them is one of the most crucial components of marriage.
But do you know what a woman, in particular, need in a marriage?

Fortunately, we’re here to assist couples who are having difficulty figuring it out.

For example, communication is critical, but how frequently should you communicate?

How should it appear? Even sex is essential, but how frequently should you make love?
Wives and husbands do not see eye to eye on everything and we tend to see why with the many memes circulating over the internet as to what women expect from their men in relationship. While men are simple creature and prefer a peaceful life with good food, lots of sex and a nurturing spouse, the list is somewhat short to make them happy. On the other hand, we look at the list of expectation from wives towards husbands and it is a long as the diameter of planet Earth. Why do we see such a large distinctions between genders related to expectations?

A fulfilling marriage for both partners is influenced by a number of things.Yet, we have some advice for couples who are confused how to satisfy their partner’s expectations in any aspect of their relationship. If you include these suggestions into your relationship, you will immediately notice that your wife is more satisfied and happier, and you will be pleased in your marriage as well.
Because everyone is unique, this list may not apply to all spouses.

Yet, after significant study, I am persuaded that the following “needs” represent the daily wishes of the majority of women.

What wives expects from their husbands.

1. To feel cared and loved with compassion.

A husband expresses his love for his wife by both his words and his deeds. A husband should tell his wife (at least once a day) that he loves her, but those words should be backed up with tenderness and thoughtfulness in his deeds.

2. To feel attractive to their spouse .

Whether a woman is dressed up to go out or wearing an old t-shirt around the home, she must feel beautiful in her husband’s eyes. A husband satisfies this demand by complimenting her, flirting with her, displaying tenderness, and having eyes solely for her.
A man can’t look at every lady walking by or on TV and then tell his wife he only has eyes for her.

3. To be hugged.

A woman’s yearning for physical intimacy is a constant longing. This can be satisfied by the spouse delivering a shoulder/back/foot massage at the conclusion of the day, as well as embraces and caresses throughout the day. Such touches satisfy both physical and emotional needs.

This includes sexual closeness, but women have a stronger desire for physical contact outside of the bedroom than males.

4. Emotional Validation.

Women prefer being validated than listened to. WE been thought that reflective listening is key for proper communication but what has more impact is validating her emotions and understand where they originate from. Understanding the non-verbal cues is crucial to better capture her moods and let her figure out the best solution. Sometimes, getting too involved can be detrimental to the relationship.

5. Being appreciated.

When a guy is considerate, he expresses love, care, gratitude, and respect for his wife. Appreciation isn’t only for romantic occasions; it’s a daily requirement and a necessary component of a healthy, happy marriage.

6. Being able to provide a safe environment for the family

Safe environment includes financial, as being the good provider, but also safe as feeling protected in case of major dilemma. Being the man of the house comes with great responsibilities. If you are not ready to provide for them in every aspect of relationship, it is important to determine if you are the right person for the job.

And FINALLY…. Well, it is not really final, as wives always want more and more from their spouses. It is important to find a good balance to what you can give and how much you can get back. Selflessness always work wonders but marriage is always a two way street.  

7. To be the best lover/lasting hours in bed, handyman, plumber, electrician, carpenter, roofer, landscaper, therapist/counselor, have 6 pack abs, be great step-dad, financial planner, tour guide, kind, nurturing etc………..

Sorry, i couldn’t find images for all of the attributes listed above.

So yes, this list may sound ludicrous when reading it but for many, these are the norms when it comes to expectations, and when these expectations are not meant, we face disappointments and when that happens, we get a very unhappy spouse.

Marriage or relationships are not easy, and keeping the passion is harder as you get older. Couples must understand that if they want to live in peace and serenity with each other, they must learn not to be expecting too much from the other, and allow themselves to compromise when things do not go their way. In marriage, “my way or the highway” will only take you to ONE major road: The divorce one.

Strategic ways to make your marriage divorce proof. Hang on, it should be a wild ride.

Our older generation became experts when it comes to relationships, marriages and learning way to fix problems instead of just replacing them. The newer generation isn’t playing the field with the same mindset. If you look at the new Iphone releases where you see thousands of people camping outside the local Apple store to get their hands on an Iphone that doesn’t offer any incredible new features compared to their older model that works PERFECTLY fine, but yet, they feel it needs replacement. A couple of thousand dollars later, they are not changing much of their usage level compared to their older model. Nevertheless, the trend is here to stay until the new generation really understands the sanctity of marriage and the importance on working together to guarantee a divorce-proof union.

So here are some ways that smart people use to guarantee a long term and happy marriage with their significant other.

1. They have similar goals and work together to make those goals a reality.

The first thing you should ask your spouse is, “What do you aspire to create in your life? Or “Where do you see our life in 10 years from now? What are the dreams you want to achieve as 2, instead of one?

It’s vital that your hopes and expectations align, otherwise misery may take over your relationship. Basically, when your expectations do not match your vision, you will feel resentment for each other, especially if one of the spouse have to let go of their dream to make the other’s come true. Every one has an equal right to pursue their goals and stay inspired by their pursuit of happiness. This is where most couples fails at and ends up with lots of toxicity and very expensive divorce. That cannot be sustained in the long run. When communicating with each other, try discussing these points prior to getting married, as doing it after can be counter-intuitive. When doing so, keep the following points in mind: Where would you both want to live? Are you more into renting or owning a home? If owning, the size of the house will depend on the size of your family, so how big would you want that? About careers, what are the expectations from one to the other? If someone is more into starting a business, will the other one pick up the slack with their steady salary during the first few years of the business to pay for all the bills until the business generates revenue? If you are an adventurer, are you more into exploring the rest of the world or staying put? Make sure to take time to answer these questions prior to walking down the aisle and signing the marriage certificate. It is always easier to get married than getting divorced.

2. Family dynamics and responsibilities towards the extended members of the clan — and getting along with the latter

Family relationships are sometimes a highly sensitive and emotional issue, so it’s vital to be on the same page as your spouse in this regard. Some cultures are more inclined to keeping the family close by, even after marriage. Italians, Greeks, Latinos and many more feel that their close knit family mindset is to go on even when trying to build a family on their own. It is not uncommon that some with extended family will meet every weekend for a large gathering while eating delicious foods and play all afternoon at the park. Depending on who you decided to tie the knot with, they may not perceive this weekend gathering as something they want to partake in.

In the minute chance that they are inclined in wanting to be there and enjoy family time with your extended clan, then you are in luck and should cherish it.

Another major issue that can create tension is when one of the spouses is a caretaker for one or both of their parents and uses lots of their income to pay for their medical bills, which leaves almost nothing left to pay for their own bills or afford much of anything. This in itself can cause lots of strife and resentment between the couples. It can be very difficult to separate yourself from this situation as you committed yourself to her, which indirectly committed to members of her family.

3. Fitness is and should be each others number 1 priority — and align with actions and behavior

Your views toward health and fitness, as well as any present health difficulties, are all vital elements to consider in any prospective marriage. This is far too crucial to be unauthentic or to omit to give any facts or family history you may already be aware of. However, aside from your basic health, you must also have your beliefs aligned related to fitness and overall activity levels. How important is eating healthy and fitness regimen? If you’re a practicing vegan and a gym junkie, you’re likely to clash with a spouse who is only a couch potato and junk food junkie. Always remember that couples who work-out together, stay together.

Here is one important question to consider: Is it vital to you to have a regular fitness routine with your spouse, or would you prefer a workout between you and your Bluetooth earbuds? Is your spouse in the same activity level as you or the difference of weight between you both are in the couple hundred pounds?

What is more upsetting to you: missing out on your favorite Netflix series or not getting in a workout?

Is your fitness routine a crucial point to make your relationship thrive? Can weight gain completely obliterate your sex life and in of your spouse? Will losing attraction towards them bend you forward towards cheating on that person?

4. Money conscious: Who is the spender and who is the frugal?

Money is claimed to be the number one stressor in relationships, and nothing brings out more tension, stress, and animosity than two individuals on completely different financial pages. If you’re a saver and your spouse has maxed up credit cards, it’s a deal breaker no matter how much you love your partner. Don’t fool yourself. It is more apparent that the new generation is doing background investigation on the ones they date prior to engagement to figure out their credit score, or they debt to income ratio to make sure this person is a viable mate. It is not uncommon to see more and more people going into relationship and looking for sugar daddies or mommies to take them out of their financial ruins. No one is responsible to do that except yourself. Putting this responsibility into someone else isn’t fair for that person and should start looking at better options.

Make sure to set up a financial plan for both of you to agree upon short, mid and long terms. Have some bank accounts separate and some in common. Save equally for bigger purchases (home, cars, and whatever) but each should have their own spending account so they don’t need to depend on the other to get a manicure or go fishing with friends. Financial literacy should be taught in every school across the nation so we can avoid these future pitfalls in relationship.

5. Sanctity of marriage: How to avoid falling for temptation and end up regretting it.

What importance do you place on having the same values and expectations when it comes to monogamy and infidelity? Can the latter cause so much strife between couple that the marriage will imminently end up in divorce? In some cases, divorce is NOT the best solution.

It can be a hard pill to swallow to accept the prospect of having only one partner for the rest of their lives as it may sound like a life sentence with no possibility of parole.

For some, it is the most straightforward deal-breaker on the planet. The thought of waking up with the same person day in and day out can be suicidal at best. Hence, the reason why many are just not meant to be or stay married.

So what happens if these two get married? Is open marriage an option to keep the relationship sizzling for longer period of time? Is swinging another possible option (as long as you both stay safe) to keep the marriage healthy? Communication is key and it is crucial that all this is being discussed before appearing in circuit court and pronouncing: “I do” to each other.

6. Building a family: What are each other expectations?

There are many undiscussed expectations when it comes to the size of family either spouse wants. If one of the spouse is born in a large family with many siblings, chances are that they would want to get as close as they can with the numbers they had when growing up. On the other hand, the other spouse may have had no siblings, and living this way was perfectly fine when growing up. It is crucial to discuss these expectations to avoid disappointment. It is also crucial that if you do have a large family in mind when it comes to the near future, it is also important to consider the finances related to a large clan. Make sure to consider that your spouse can’t take the full burden to financially provide for everyone. A heart to heart discussion is a must to avoid these kinds of disappointments.

There are a lot more questions to ask if you go further. What is your timetable for having children?

Do you want to start trying right away, or do you want to wait until later?

What type of disciplinarian do you consider yourself to be?  Are you a rigid, no-nonsense person, or are you more laid-back and adaptable?

What about public verses private schools?

As you can see, there are several critical elements that necessitate mutually agreed-upon judgments in just this one area.

7. What are your religious beliefs to implement in the household. If two different religion due to different upbringing, which religion will be the dominant one?

It literally comes down to who you think is the one that practice the most its religion.

In other words, how important is spirituality or faith to you?

Do you consider yourself a devoted religious person or an atheist?

Do you have any holiday customs or religious rituals?

What are your thoughts on which religion will the kids follow? The mother or the father?  

Would you send your children to Sunday religious schools or sports?  

Even if you first believe you’re on the same page, keep in mind that people’s ideas tend to fluctuate and evolve over the course of a lifetime. In some cases, if one of the spouse never followed any religion, it is more likely for them to be more lenient when it comes to which religion the household will follow.

Essentially, if you don’t address these difficulties, you won’t have a chance of long-term success.

There is much to discuss and resolve before you can properly settle down and built a long term and happy marriage. Even though this checklist is based on my knowledge and extensive clinical research, please bear in mind that there is no one answer fits all scenarios. There are multiple complexities and variations when it comes to deciding which spouse would be the best fit among the billion others out there, so it is imperative that you choose wisely. Falling in love at first sight is great, but staying in love for life will keep your eyesight out of divorce court.  

12 essential strategies to rekindling a failing marriage: You can customize each of them as you wish

Marriage is difficult. We all want to fall in love with that ONE person and live happily ever after. Some cases, the true soulmate exist and love continues on until death do them part. The other majority experience challenges daily and some of these experiences can shatter the foundation of their love, which in some cases, can be difficult to bring back. IF that occurs, is there a way to revert back to how they felt the first day they met? Can couples overcome the boredom, the ritual, the obligations of households and family responsibilities? We will tackle this subject by sharing key strategies in rekindling a failing marriage.

1. Avoid adopting a critical perspective.

There may have been times when your partner did something hurtful to you and never apologized.
Maybe they’ll keep doing it even after you tell them how much it annoys you.
According to neuropsychologist and life coach Sydney Ceruto, Ph.D., this might cause you to become resentful towards them.
“At some point, any person in a marriage may find themselves observing their partner through a critical lens,” Dr. Ceruto explains. “Spouses also start magnifying or zeroing in on their partner’s mistakes, cataloguing their flaws, and building a case to use at a later date,” she adds. “It is way too easy when you live in close quarters with someone to pick them apart and get annoyed at some of their habits, when after all, the truth is, your partner probably always had these qualities, even when you first fell in love.”

2. Consider what you like and appreciate about your significant other

3. Follow the three-sentence rule.
When you need to ask your spouse for something that might be interpreted as nagging, limit your request to three phrases at most.
“The art of being assertive without coming off as aggressive lies in being succinct and using a warm tone of voice and body language,” Bowman explains.
“When you keep your requests to three sentences or fewer, it’s almost impossible to blame, use sarcasm or use put-downs.” It’s also much more probable that you’ll get your message through without distracting your partner.  Make your request while smiling.  Be genuine and upbeat. You may even place your hand on his leg and remark, “The home is a shambles, and I’m exhaustted from a busy day at work. Could you assist me with cleaning this place? I could definitely need your assistance.”

4. Don’t be too confident about yourself.

Instead of being judgmental, Dr. Ceruto suggests treating your spouse with compassion, as this is the key to keeping your love alive.  “According to research, completing more loving behaviors helps you feel more in love.  Try to be nice in how you express yourself in every relationship with your spouse, whether personal or professional “Dr. Ceruto elaborates.

“Even in heated circumstances, this soothes your companion.  Continuing to be kind and generous offers a significant dividend since it not only keeps love alive, but it also creates a deeper degree of closeness.”