When something becomes damaged, repair it instead of opting for a replacement. The same principle applies to relationships and marriages. Continue reading to find guidance on preserving your partnership if you’re genuinely dedicated to its success

In modern society, there’s a prevailing tendency to replace things when they break instead of engaging in creative problem-solving to fix them. In some cases, even when items work perfectly fine, there’s a strong inclination to seek replacements, a phenomenon particularly evident with cell phones. Just observe the scene outside an Apple store the night before a new iPhone launch, and you’ll witness people camping out to be the first to purchase a $2,000 iPhone, discarding their fully functional phones, all for the added features of the new model. This mindset can be quite perplexing because the existing phone can offer long-term benefits, including the absence of monthly payments.

A similar pattern emerges in relationships and marriages. We invest time and effort into building something with our partners, but when disagreements arise, and our visions don’t align, the impulse to break free and seek a replacement often takes hold. We long for novelty when the old seems less stimulating. It’s vital to remember that, like inanimate objects, we also age and change over time, and others may perceive us in the same way we perceive them. While the passage of time naturally affects us, when we commit to navigating life’s journey as a team, we should honor our promises and do everything within our capacity to preserve our relationships and marriages, provided there is no physical or mental abuse, and surmount the challenges that lie ahead of us.

Think back to the early stages of your relationship when your partner’s affection seemed boundless. They would call incessantly, have lengthy conversations, and talk with you late into the night.

As time has passed, that initial excitement has waned, and you no longer experience those fluttering butterflies in your stomach when you think of your loved one. The once-present spark has dimmed. While your romantic feelings endure, you begin to perceive that your partner may not care about the relationship as much as they once did. It feels like the balance of power has shifted, and you no longer hold the upper hand.

This shift is entirely normal and can evoke feelings of anxiety and sadness. In response, you might find yourself tempted to employ various psychological tactics to regain control within your relationship.

Engaging in power games within a relationship, whether to secure or reestablish control, is a surefire way to undermine the relationship’s stability. While some relationships naturally have imbalances in power, these situations are often unhealthy. Unhealthy dynamics can manifest in physically or verbally abusive relationships, those involving infidelity, or where one partner possesses significantly more non-shared assets. These scenarios typically lead to relationship failure, heartbreak, and overall unhappiness.

If you sense your partner is growing distant, the solution isn’t to try and manipulate the power dynamics in your relationship. Power struggles won’t provide the fulfillment you truly desire. What you genuinely seek is love, not dominance. Your desire is for love to be mutual, for expressions of appreciation, admiration, respect, and affection. Negative feelings about your relationship often arise from perceiving a deficiency in these aspects.

So, how can you rekindle these qualities? What actions can you take to regain your partner’s love?

1. Establish clear boundaries

Communicate openly with your partner about the behaviors you find acceptable and those you do not. Avoid doing this during an argument or when consuming alcohol. However, if your partner engages in behavior or makes hurtful comments that you find unacceptable and you’re not in the midst of a dispute or under the influence of alcohol, kindly address the issue and express that you prefer not to encounter it again.

Maintain a calm tone and speak softly. If your partner tends to become aggressive or hurtful when drinking, indicating a significant issue that requires attention, you can play a role in resolving it. But avoid addressing your concerns while your partner is drinking and behaving rudely. Wait until they are sober and composed, then discuss your concerns as calmly as possible.

2. Acknowledge your partner’s wants and desires

To complement the first strategy outlined in this article, which is about setting clear boundaries, it’s also crucial to consider and respect our partner’s desires and wishes. It’s clear that not all desires can or should be accommodated. For example, if your partner expresses a desire for a new vehicle, but you’ve recently lost your job, it’s acceptable not to fulfill their wish due to your limited financial resources. Refusing to grant their request for a new vehicle should not be misconstrued as a lack of respect for their specific desires. It’s essential to first ensure that the vehicle they currently have is safe and, if there are any mechanical issues, address and extend the vehicle’s life.

Respect is the cornerstone of any successful relationship. When respect is compromised, the relationship becomes fragile. Demonstrating respect for your partner involves redirecting your focus from the negative aspects of your relationship to emphasizing the positive elements. Be generous with compliments and display caring behavior.

3. Don’t go overboard with the courtship.

This phenomenon known as “love-bombing” involves overwhelming your loved one with excessive adoration and extreme co-dependency. However, by overindulging in this behavior, you might make your partner feel excessively clingy, leading them to create distance in the relationship. If you feel a loss of control in your relationship, it’s essential to recognize that your excessive eagerness to be with your significant other or to rush the relationship’s progress could be a contributing factor. It’s crucial to understand that rushing things isn’t advisable, and your relationship should ideally complement, not consume, your life. Devote more time to your other interests, whether they be sports, hobbies, academics, or work. Grant your partner the space they need. The more you allow room to breathe, the more likely they’ll be drawn to you and eager to spend time together. This approach tends to benefit everyone involved.

4.   Avoid engaging in manipulative behavior

Creating healthy space between you and your partner, as mentioned in the previous point, is not about playing games or manipulating the situation. In all aspects of life, including relationships and marriages, achieving balance is essential. Avoiding one extreme in favor of the other is crucial. It’s not about completely isolating yourself from your partner, which can trigger deep-seated abandonment insecurities.

Deliberately ignoring your partner or displaying cold and distant behavior as part of a game is a form of manipulation. Although such tactics might briefly grab your partner’s attention, they are not sustainable for a healthy, long-term relationship. Consistently behaving rudely, being mean, giving your partner the silent treatment, or appearing distant will eventually erode your partner’s interest in you.

5. Don’t let your past mistakes come and bite you in present time

If you’ve been unfaithful to your partner, you should not seek to gain an advantage or control the relationship. Instead, you need to genuinely express your remorse and acknowledge that your partner may no longer trust or love you in the same way.

In this situation, the only course of action (assuming you’ve ended the affair and sincerely conveyed your regrets to your partner) is to demonstrate your love and commitment every single day. Provided you remain faithful and are still with your partner, it’s likely that over time, their love and trust will gradually return to normal.

It’s a reality that no relationship or marriage is flawless, which is why 50% of first marriages ultimately end in divorce. The odds are even less favorable for second or third marriages, with a higher risk of divorce. Personally, this logic might not seem sound. After the failure of our first marriage, we strive to learn from our mistakes and avoid repeating them. However, dealing with a completely different person introduces a new set of challenges. It’s essential to adapt, communicate effectively with our significant other (S.O), and collaborate on overcoming these challenges as a united team. Rather than viewing the challenges as adversaries, consider yourselves allies. Concentrate on what’s right, find ways to address what’s wrong, and move forward. This is the essence of successful relationships.