12 essential strategies to rekindling a failing marriage: You can customize each of them as you wish

January 16, 2023 by dr.dan Marriage Coaching services 0 comments

Marriage is difficult. We all want to fall in love with that ONE person and live happily ever after. Some cases, the true soulmate exist and love continues on until death do them part. The other majority experience challenges daily and some of these experiences can shatter the foundation of their love, which in some cases, can be difficult to bring back. IF that occurs, is there a way to revert back to how they felt the first day they met? Can couples overcome the boredom, the ritual, the obligations of households and family responsibilities? We will tackle this subject by sharing key strategies in rekindling a failing marriage.

1. Avoid adopting a critical perspective.

There may have been times when your partner did something hurtful to you and never apologized.
Maybe they’ll keep doing it even after you tell them how much it annoys you.
According to neuropsychologist and life coach Sydney Ceruto, Ph.D., this might cause you to become resentful towards them.
“At some point, any person in a marriage may find themselves observing their partner through a critical lens,” Dr. Ceruto explains. “Spouses also start magnifying or zeroing in on their partner’s mistakes, cataloguing their flaws, and building a case to use at a later date,” she adds. “It is way too easy when you live in close quarters with someone to pick them apart and get annoyed at some of their habits, when after all, the truth is, your partner probably always had these qualities, even when you first fell in love.”

2. Consider what you like and appreciate about your significant other

What characteristics of your partner do you admire or find amusing?

“If you like that they’re adventurous, keep sharing new activities,” Dr. Ceruto recommends.

“Encourage bantering and the exchanging of fresh ideas if you love their liveliness in your conversation.

If you cherish their warmth and compassion, make an effort to interact with them every day rather than getting caught up in other everyday activities.”

Your spouse or wife will appreciate your interest in doing activities with them that you know they enjoy, and they will most likely reciprocate.

3. Follow the three-sentence rule.

When you need to ask your spouse for something that might be interpreted as nagging, limit your request to three phrases at most.
“The art of being assertive without coming off as aggressive lies in being succinct and using a warm tone of voice and body language,” Bowman explains.
“When you keep your requests to three sentences or fewer, it’s almost impossible to blame, use sarcasm or use put-downs.” It’s also much more probable that you’ll get your message through without distracting your partner. Make your request while smiling. Be genuine and upbeat. You may even place your hand on his leg and remark, “The home is a shambles, and I’m exhaustted from a busy day at work. Could you assist me with cleaning this place? I could definitely need your assistance.”

4. Don’t be too confident about yourself.

Overconfidence may breed complacency, which is harmful to any relationship. According to Anderson, couples who had just applied for a marriage license were asked to estimate the typical rate of divorce in a poll published in the Law and Human Behavior. Almost evenly, they anticipated around 50% of the time. They were then asked to assess the likelihood of their divorce.

They gave a 0% response. The issue with this statistic is that if there is no perceived danger of failure, no “work” is put into preserving the connection – until it abruptly falters.

Don’t let the minor details pass you by. Don’t forget to make an effort to maintain your relationship.

Don’t find yourself in a scenario where you realize you could have done more… only to learn it’s too late.

5. Be kind with your partner.

Instead of being judgmental, Dr. Ceruto suggests treating your spouse with compassion, as this is the key to keeping your love alive. “According to research, completing more loving behaviors helps you feel more in love. Try to be nice in how you express yourself in every relationship with your spouse, whether personal or professional “Dr. Ceruto elaborates.

“Even in heated circumstances, this soothes your companion. Continuing to be kind and generous offers a significant dividend since it not only keeps love alive, but it also creates a deeper degree of closeness.”

6. Focus on your mental health being.

Marriage is about giving, but make time for yourself as well. “To have a good marriage, you need to be a good you,” says Bowman. “Learn how to prioritize and put boundaries around activities that keep you healthy and whole — activities like rest, relaxation, fitness, and time with friends.” In other words, remember that putting “me” time into your day is a requirement, not a luxury.

It will improve your relationship since you will have a more mature “you” to add to the “us” equation.

7. Stop looking at your significant other as an ennemy

Don’t get into a fight. Consider taking a break instead. “In economics, there is a notion known as ‘loss aversion,’ which basically indicates that humans despise losing.

And when we believe we are losing, we fight as if there is no tomorrow in order to win “Anderson claims. “It occurs when couples discuss sensitive topics such as sex, housekeeping, money, or children. If either party believes he or she is losing, he or she will raise the stakes and escalate the situation “She goes on. When you notice a marital argument getting out of hand, take a break and return to the matter when neither of you feels overwhelmed by it.

8. Burn your resentments

It’s time to burn some terrible memories. Literally. Hanging on to those “Do you remember the time you did such and such?” moments might lead to relationship destruction.

Instead of keeping grudges with you for the rest of your life, burn them. “Put them all on a sheet of paper. Then, for a specific period of time, set a timer. It might be 10 minutes. It may be 30. It may last all day. The objective is to allow yourself as much time as you need to wallow in the anguish of these grudges. Enjoy them. Become enraged with them. Talk about them.

Do whatever it takes to grow sick and weary of them “Bowman explains. “Once you are done, say, ‘I will not think about these anymore. These grudges have lost their usefulness.'” Then take a match and burn them.

9. Have penty of sex, and I mean PLENTY

“do it” refers to having sex. Intimacy is a vital aspect of a love relationship and one of the first to suffer when sentiments are jumbled. However, sex might be one of the easiest methods to reconnect and renew your relationship. “Of the many forms of couple intimacy — a smile across a room, a kiss, a touch — sex has the potential to be the most powerful positive physical experience most of us enjoy,” writes Joel D. Block, PhD, coauthor of Sex Comes First: 15 Ways to Save Your Relationship…Without Leaving Your Bedroom.

“This is especially true if sex results in emotional fulfillment, better communication, security, and reassurance.”

10. Stay away from projecting your own insecurities into them

Everyday Health defines projection as a psychological defense mechanism in which people accuse others of behaving or feeling a certain way because they too are experiencing that way.

Projection can result from traumatic childhood events that persist into adulthood.

“A common reason couples become so critical towards their partner is because they tend to project negative traits of their parents or early caretakers onto their partners,” explains Dr. Ceruto.

“They also tend to assume their partner will act in the same ways that hurt them in the past and often read or misread their partner’s words and actions.”

11. Talk finances, even when not comfortable

Money is one of the most stressful aspects of a marriage. Many couples are always worried and arguing about it. If you and your spouse begin to hound one other about money, it’s important to confront the issue. “We are all guilty of something economists call ‘passive decision-making,’ which just means defaulting to the easy option,” Jenny Anderson, coauthor of Spousonomics, adds.
How to Use Economics to Master Love, Marriage, and Dirty Dishes. “Couples must actively plan how they will handle their money: combine it?
Is it possible to separate it? Make a joint account while keeping some separate? Whatever choice is made, both individuals must be a part of it and then work out what has to be done to keep the system running.”

Finally: 12. Remind yourself that you have the option of remaining married.

Many people remain in unhappy relationships because they think they have no other option. “They believe they are trapped, and they blame this feeling on their partner.

However, if you are stuck, it is your responsibility, not your spouse’s “Bowman explains. That is a fact “You are not trapped; you have options.

Three of options are: do nothing and be unhappy; face your anxieties and attempt to salvage your marriage; and file for divorce.” Choose whether or not to marry.

Make a decision. And then, every morning, make the same decision. Knowing that you are not a helpless damsel in distress, but rather a woman capable of making her own decisions, is the surest way to happiness. Bottom line, we all have choices to make, and in most of the times, the grass is never greener on the other side. So choose wisely.