Can a relationship survive cheating?

Cheating, either mental or physical is unjust and can be equally emotionally draining on both sides. However, there are many couples out there who have overcome infidelity and moved on in their relationships or marriage.

This differs from one person’s perspective to the others. It might be the last straw for someone. But some others may be more forgiving. If at any given point you are experiencing this, the first and foremost situation you need to accept is that that the damage is done and you cannot undo it in any shape or form. If you are being cheated on, you shouldn’t blame yourself and accept the situation. Secondly, you need to assess the situation and find out the cause due to which the cheating actually took place. Talk to your partner and observe their approach towards the matter.

Before taking any firm decision, think about what really went wrong. Ask yourself if you still want to be with that person, if you really are willing to go through the process of reshaping the relationship and forgiving their indiscretion. Once you are firm on your decision, you convey the same to your partner. It is also important to understand their view on this situation as they were the one who wanted something or someone outside the relationship. You need to figure out if they genuinely love and want to be with you or they are just afraid of losing companionship and left to be alone.

Once that is sorted, you need to understand that things won’t change in a jiffy. There will be awkwardness and there can be many arguments related to the reason as to why your significant other strayed. Before getting back together you can consider taking a break. Do your own  thing by attending personal growth sessions with a life coach, meet with a marriage counselor to discuss strategies on how to heal from all this.  This is how they will learn to value you over anything else. This is the time to be selfish and think about yourself. Also take this much needed break from each other and try to eradicate the anxiety and fear of getting cheated on again. You need to trust your partner a 100% if you want to get back together. Getting paranoid while being away from them may cause suspicion about every little petty things and create havoc in your relationship and cause you unwanted mental stress.

As you begin to heal from the betrayal, make sure to not revisit the past by allowing negative thoughts to enter. If you feel they are polluting your mind, it means you haven’t healed and not ready to resume the relationship. If you are ready to move forward, you must set certain boundaries. The latter can be physical or emotional. If the cheating had been physical in nature, let them know that getting physically intimate again may take time. Be clear about why you feel the way you feel and why it may take time to allow intimacy to be back to a normal pace. Make them understand how you feel about it the process and why I can take time to heal. Assure them that you are working on your feelings and that you would eventually overcome the past. Setting such limits would avoid potential fights and misunderstandings. Clearing things out beforehand would only help you focus on the good aspects about your partner.

Reminisces your dates. Reckon all the things they did for you. Be positive about this relationship. Don’t overthink and don’t let second thoughts overpower your feelings. Be expressive of your feelings. Remember that your partner too is going through a phase of self guilt and remorse. Assure them that you love them and you two together will overcome this situation. Learn to allow trust to come back and focus on moving ahead. Be honest towards each other and avoid hiding anything. Transparency is key and allows them to check emails or phones or tablets and all communications with others to avoid bringing more suspicion. Go out on dates and do things that make the two of you happy. Enjoy your time together. When more things falls into place, the relationship can resume and grow stronger

What if they cheat again ?

A mistake of that sort repeated more than once is no longer a mistake but more of a choice or habit. If they cheat again after everything they have done to you, then once a cheater, always a cheater and this person isn’t worth given another chance. They chose to hurt you deliberately and it is more related to their own personal mental illness. They lack respect towards you will keep on disgracing the relationship. It is up to you to determine if it’s all worth it to go through the same process of healing but the choice is yours.

Most importantly, be true to yourself. Don’t make decisions that would lower your self worth. Don’t be the victim of unfaithfulness just for the sake of blinded love. You are a beautiful person and you deserve more. Time will change, things will fall in place. Do not let go of hope. Be willing for the pain today so you can guarantee peace and serenity in the future. Love yourself. Experience is never wasted; you will always learn one or more things all through your life. Be thankful for your experience and move on. Evidently, there is someone out there who will value you, cherish you and respect you for the rest of your life. So be patient and be willing to wait for the right one to come. Until then, stay safe, sane and happy when choosing your soul mate.